Any autoparts store or the tool dept. of Sears (etc.) will carry a special spark plug socket (they're usually lined with protective rubber) that goes onto a simple ratchet wrench. No tools at all? Just buy a low-end set of Craftsman tools including socket wrenches from Sears, Home Depot, etc. and they'll usually have what you need.
Remember that having a different opinion doesn't also require one to be a jerk when expressing it.
Check out this guy's website. He has step-by-step instructions and the parts necessary to get your spark plugs changed. I had never done it before and I had no problems. It took me about an hour and a half...