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Old 12-05-2007, 10:11 AM   #1
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5 minute manager

5 minute management course

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
-
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel. "
-
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
-
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.


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SGNellett, 02 TJ "LUCY" 3" BDS w/ quick disco's, 33x12.5x15's on Chrome Steel Tailgunners, K&N CAI, Tomkens front & rear w/ swing away tire carrier

Quote:
Originally Posted by skeeter View Post
And the most important safety, I never put my booger hook on the bang switch unless I'm ready to fire.
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Old 12-05-2007, 10:22 AM   #2
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Sooo true.

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Old 12-05-2007, 10:47 AM   #3
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"But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." - Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, 1782

Arguing with a truck driver is like wrestling with a pig in mud, eventually you realize the pig enjoys it.
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Old 12-05-2007, 11:24 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeeter View Post

That one is Debruins proofed.
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http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...are/TMLogo.gif Are all fishermen liars, or do only liars fish?
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Old 12-05-2007, 07:16 PM   #5
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haha
i wasnt gonna watch it but then u said that so i did
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Old 12-06-2007, 09:17 AM   #6
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Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
-
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
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SGNellett, 02 TJ "LUCY" 3" BDS w/ quick disco's, 33x12.5x15's on Chrome Steel Tailgunners, K&N CAI, Tomkens front & rear w/ swing away tire carrier

Quote:
Originally Posted by skeeter View Post
And the most important safety, I never put my booger hook on the bang switch unless I'm ready to fire.
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Old 12-06-2007, 09:21 AM   #7
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Old 12-06-2007, 10:30 AM   #8
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hahaha
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Old 12-06-2007, 10:48 AM   #9
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Old 12-09-2007, 12:12 AM   #10
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Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish.."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas
, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
-
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
-
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
-
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeeter View Post
And the most important safety, I never put my booger hook on the bang switch unless I'm ready to fire.
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Old 12-09-2007, 12:13 AM   #11
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Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and
do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a
sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
-
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeeter View Post
And the most important safety, I never put my booger hook on the bang switch unless I'm ready to fire.
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Old 12-09-2007, 03:22 AM   #12
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Thanks, snig!
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Old 12-10-2007, 09:21 AM   #13
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Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
-
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.
-
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
-
Moral of the story:
Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
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SGNellett, 02 TJ "LUCY" 3" BDS w/ quick disco's, 33x12.5x15's on Chrome Steel Tailgunners, K&N CAI, Tomkens front & rear w/ swing away tire carrier

Quote:
Originally Posted by skeeter View Post
And the most important safety, I never put my booger hook on the bang switch unless I'm ready to fire.
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Old 12-10-2007, 11:13 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sgnellett View Post
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
-
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree.
-
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
-
Moral of the story:
Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
I like this one...
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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:44 AM   #15
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I had a great joke but it's not for public eyes. I would get banned...
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"If I were going to give people one clue as to how to achieve true happiness, it would be this: Find something you would die for, and live for that."
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Old 12-11-2007, 06:54 AM   #16
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I had a great joke but it's not for public eyes. I would get banned...
I want a PM!
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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:58 PM   #17
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good stuff sgnellett. all are good but #3 for sho.
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Old 12-11-2007, 09:44 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foxinthemudd View Post
I want a PM!
18+ only kids!
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"If I were going to give people one clue as to how to achieve true happiness, it would be this: Find something you would die for, and live for that."
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Old 12-11-2007, 10:26 PM   #19
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18+ only kids!
PM SENT TO YOU AS WELL! I liked that one you sent
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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:06 PM   #20
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That was great!
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"If I were going to give people one clue as to how to achieve true happiness, it would be this: Find something you would die for, and live for that."
-Unknown

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Old 12-11-2007, 11:10 PM   #21
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thanks I have a ton more but I didn't want to take the time to write them out. lazy...ya know
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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:13 PM   #22
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I sent you another one. It sucks typing them out!
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"If I were going to give people one clue as to how to achieve true happiness, it would be this: Find something you would die for, and live for that."
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:32 PM   #23
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I sent you another one. It sucks typing them out!
that one is good I heard it a long time ago. But the ball is back in your court now enjoy!
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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:34 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RIPBiker13 View Post
I sent you another one. It sucks typing them out!
Quote:
Originally Posted by foxinthemudd View Post
that one is good I heard it a long time ago. But the ball is back in your court now enjoy!
Um, Hello?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skeeter View Post
And the most important safety, I never put my booger hook on the bang switch unless I'm ready to fire.
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:37 PM   #25
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Quote:
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Um, Hello?


We're cops, so we bond well!
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"If I were going to give people one clue as to how to achieve true happiness, it would be this: Find something you would die for, and live for that."
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:39 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foxinthemudd View Post
that one is good I heard it a long time ago. But the ball is back in your court now enjoy!
OMG I can't stop laughing!
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"If I were going to give people one clue as to how to achieve true happiness, it would be this: Find something you would die for, and live for that."
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:48 PM   #27
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Um, Hello?
HI!
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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:48 PM   #28
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I'm trying to remember more! That was great! I'm STILL chuckling...
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"If I were going to give people one clue as to how to achieve true happiness, it would be this: Find something you would die for, and live for that."
-Unknown

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Old 12-11-2007, 11:50 PM   #29
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I got a ton of them I just really hate typing them out.
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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:55 PM   #30
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Um, Hello?
See Sgnellett we didn't forget about you

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Keepin the peace.

The difference between sport and combat is that in combat you bury the one who comes in second.

THANK YOU VETS!
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