I have used all of these and trust me, the only help build a rock solid relationship, although to be honest I haven''t tried them out on wife number 6 yet.
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).
3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are
like dogs; they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her Fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for wussies and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is,
stare into her eyes, mouth the words "**** you" and grab the other girl's
ass. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Call a cab to take her to an expensive place to eat; she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to the Golden Corral. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her to the Circle K for a hotdog and small soda.
When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear ".because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold.and not by giving her your jacket, because
then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't
stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a
black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10
minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and
you can use your arms for more important things (like PS3).
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her
self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down
desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her dorm room, steal one of her shoes, earrings or
anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way,
she'll never be able to go to Club.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and
say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that
speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face.
Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it
(but not a sexy cologne smell...A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about).
21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's
just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to
stop crying. Girls like a tough man.
22. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that
material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that
she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
23. If she's mad at you for not IM'ing her when you say you will, promise
her that you will IM her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure
that she waits by the computer. Now she'll be really excited. Then don't IM!!