-When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
-How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
-Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
-As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
-Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
-When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
98'TJ__2.5__33x12.5 ProComp Xtreme MT__3"BL<<(yea yea, i know)__Stock Suspension for now
"But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." - Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia, 1782
Arguing with a truck driver is like wrestling with a pig in mud, eventually you realize the pig enjoys it.
# "I don't have a drinkin' problem! I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!"
# "I don't drink anymore ... course, I don't drink any less either!"
# "I like my beer like I like my women, stout and bitter."
# "Oh, I'm just a social drinker. Every time someone says, 'I'll have a drink', I say, 'So shall I'!"
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present."
-Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. But he has never cried. Ever.
-Chuck Norris doesnt wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.
-In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
-Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
-Chuck Norris doesnt read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.