Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man,free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy,and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.
sic vis pacem para bellum
On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero.
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But … every once in a while [looks around, leans in conspiratorially] … it's a dildo. [leans back] Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo", never … your dildo.
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
Richard Chesler: [Reading a piece of paper] The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club? Narrator: [Voice-over] I'm half asleep again; I must've left the original in the copy machine. Richard Chesler: The second rule of Fight Club - is this yours? Narrator: Huh? Richard Chesler: Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do? Narrator: [pauses] Well, I gotta tell you: I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that... is dangerous.
[Gets up from the chair] Narrator: [Talking slowly] And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you. Narrator: [Voice-over] Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.
[Snatches the piece of paper from boss' hands] Narrator: [Voice-over] And I used to be such a nice guy. Narrator: Or maybe you shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.
[Phone rings] Narrator: [Into phone] Compliance and Liability...? Marla Singer: My tit's gonna rot off. Narrator: [to boss] Would you excuse me? I need to take this.
Dr Ray Stantz: "Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by d(ckless here."
Walter Peck: "They caused an explosion!"
Mayor: "Is this true?"
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
Dr. Peter Venkman: "This man has no d(ck."
My philosophy: a hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes.
Don't order the Schnitzel, they're using Schnauzer.
"One day some of the kids from the neighborhood carried my mother's groceries all the way home. You know why? It was outta respect. "
"And that's the hardest part. Today everything is different; there's no action... have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food - right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like a schnook. "
Honestly, the entire movie is endless epic quotes, so I will stop there.