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Old 04-25-2007, 08:46 PM   #1
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History Lesson

>World History - As it Really Happened
>
>Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
>hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the
>summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the
>winter. The two most important events in all of history were the
>invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was
>invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
>civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of
>humanity into two distinct
>subgroups: 1. Liberals and 2. Conservatives.
>
>Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning
>of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were
>invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting
>for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's
>how villages were formed.
>
>Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
>night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
>known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less
>skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
>for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
>dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
>
>Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest
>became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements
>include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,
>group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to
>divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
>
>Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
>most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
>symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with
>lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
>They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and
>French food are standard liberal fare.
>
>Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
>in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
>designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also
>bat.
>
>Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
>for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
>lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
>officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
>who works productively.
>Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
>work for a living.
>
>Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers
>and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
>are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
>remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
>crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying
>to get more for nothing.
>
>Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a
>Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above
>before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
>convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be
>forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals
>just to piss them off.

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Old 04-25-2007, 08:58 PM   #2
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lol so true!

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Old 04-25-2007, 09:50 PM   #3
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Old 04-27-2007, 12:04 AM   #4
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I agree...
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Old 04-27-2007, 09:16 PM   #5
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Reading that made my day!!!!
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Old 04-27-2007, 09:25 PM   #6
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Mankind did not claw its way to the top to eat vegetables. Bring on the steak..argh!

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