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Old 12-23-2007, 05:35 PM   #1
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Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to
turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have
one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies the shape and size of Santa, position yourself
near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the
center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you
leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read
tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

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Old 12-23-2007, 06:12 PM   #2
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ugh i just fiof this to myself at the hockey team pre christmas dinner
i fell like shit my stomach hurts soooooo bad!

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Old 12-23-2007, 06:24 PM   #3
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You did what???!!!
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:25 PM   #4
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i just ate a ton #2-10 on the list
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:29 PM   #5
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speak english, dude!!!
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:34 PM   #6
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the only mistake i made was saying fiof instead of did, besides that its all english idk what you're talking about?
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:42 PM   #7
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Since when, was fiof, english????????????
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:48 PM   #8
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Quote:
ugh i just fiof this to myself at the hockey team pre christmas dinner
i fell like shit my stomach hurts soooooo bad!

besides that its all english idk what you're talking about?

idk what you're talking about most of the time.
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:50 PM   #9
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This must be his secret to those great spelling skills.
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:57 PM   #10
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fiof
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:58 PM   #11
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Quote:
This must be his secret to those great spelling skills.

Or this...

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Old 12-23-2007, 09:25 PM   #12
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Meanwhile, let's all just shut up and eat!!!
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Old 12-23-2007, 10:20 PM   #13
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that showed up as a ?

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