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Old 05-24-2013, 10:40 PM   #991
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The answer is ZERO.

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Old 05-24-2013, 10:40 PM   #992
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Old 05-24-2013, 10:41 PM   #993
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It's a PEAR tree
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Old 05-24-2013, 10:41 PM   #994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange Krusher View Post
A farmer in California own a beautiful pear tree. He supplies the fruit to a nearby grocery store. The store owner has called the farmer to see how much fruit is available for him to purchase. The farmer knows that the main trunk has 24 branches. Each branch has exactly 12 boughs and each bough has exactly 6 twigs. Since each twig bears one piece of fruit, how many plums will the farmer be able to deliver?
Ahh. No plums!

Edit..Man, I didn't see the responses as I went face palm.
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Old 05-24-2013, 10:43 PM   #995
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange Krusher View Post
A farmer in California own a beautiful pear tree. He supplies the fruit to a nearby grocery store. The store owner has called the farmer to see how much fruit is available for him to purchase. The farmer knows that the main trunk has 24 branches. Each branch has exactly 12 boughs and each bough has exactly 6 twigs. Since each twig bears one piece of fruit, how many plums will the farmer be able to deliver?
It's California...they probably can get Plums from a Pear Tree...they get money for not working!!!
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Old 05-24-2013, 10:47 PM   #996
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pears can turn into plums??? hahaha
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Old 05-24-2013, 10:49 PM   #997
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Originally Posted by orange krusher View Post
a farmer in california own a beautiful pear tree. He supplies the fruit to a nearby grocery store. The store owner has called the farmer to see how much fruit is available for him to purchase. The farmer knows that the main trunk has 24 branches. Each branch has exactly 12 boughs and each bough has exactly 6 twigs. Since each twig bears one piece of fruit, how many plums will the farmer be able to deliver?
0!?
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Old 05-24-2013, 10:56 PM   #998
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Who says you can't wear pearls (chrome) while you are muddin?
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Old 05-26-2013, 05:06 PM   #999
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ahh nevermind
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Old 06-13-2013, 11:01 PM   #1000
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What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?
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Old 06-13-2013, 11:12 PM   #1001
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What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?
?
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Old 06-13-2013, 11:16 PM   #1002
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What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college?
Bison
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Old 06-13-2013, 11:39 PM   #1003
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Bison
Yep
Bye-son
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Old 06-14-2013, 08:58 AM   #1004
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Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calander?


They each got six months
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:00 AM   #1005
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Did you hear about the two criminals who stole a calander?


They each got six months
I'm sitting here actually laughing to myself on this one
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Old 06-14-2013, 10:12 PM   #1006
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I saw a No Wake Zone sign in front of a cemetery the other day.
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Old 06-23-2013, 11:39 PM   #1007
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel.
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Old 06-24-2013, 01:56 AM   #1008
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Did you see the news last night? They found a head down by the river..........
When they pulled the head out it started singing "I ain't got no body"
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Old 06-24-2013, 02:04 AM   #1009
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How many hipsters does it take to turn on a lightbulb?

It's an obscure number you probably haven't heard of.


Why did the hipster burn his hand removing said lightbulb?

he tried to remove it before it was cool.
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Old 06-24-2013, 02:07 AM   #1010
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Why is a dog man's best friend? Try locking your dog and your wife in the trunk and see which one is excited when you let them out.
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Old 06-24-2013, 05:26 PM   #1011
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Why did Sally fall off the swing?
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Old 06-24-2013, 10:01 PM   #1012
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She seen Mr. Peters?
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Old 07-05-2013, 12:31 AM   #1013
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Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: On the bottom.

Q: What did the flag say to the pole?
A: Nothing, it just waved.

Q: What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A: A fire cracker
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Old 07-05-2013, 01:31 AM   #1014
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A man walks into an ice cream shop and asks for a chocolate cone. The sever says, sorry We are out of chocolate. The man says, in that case, make it chocolate. Again the server said, "Sir, I just told You We have no chocolate. The man says "Oh, then make it chocolate. Now frustrated, the server says" Mister, is there a "van" in vanilla? The man replied, "Yes, there is a "van" in vanilla"
The server again asks the man"Sir, is there a "straw" in strawberry?"the man replied, yes, there is a "straw" in strawberry.One more time the server asks, Sir, is there a "Fu*k" in chocolate? The man replied"no, there's no Fu*k in chocolate"
The server shouts, That's what I'm trying to tell You!
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Old 07-07-2013, 12:19 AM   #1015
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Hey, I'm not doing a standup gig here!
"Somebody tell a joke". (from "Moonstruck" w/Cher, Nicholas Cage)
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Old 07-07-2013, 12:51 AM   #1016
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So the other day I was going to baby sit my sisters kid. Good thing I baby proofed my house, that little bastard ran around all night and never got in.
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:20 PM   #1017
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A Man walks into His Psychologists office, wearing nothing but clear plastic wrap.
The Doctor looks at Him and says, " I can clearly see Your nuts".
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Old 07-07-2013, 08:25 PM   #1018
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When I was born the doctor came out into the waiting room and told my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
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Old 07-16-2013, 10:41 PM   #1019
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The biggest joke of all is that our country really needed CHANGE and boy did we ever get it.......................
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Old 07-17-2013, 02:19 AM   #1020
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On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction!

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."


The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

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