I knew a guy from back home who traveled a lot for work. Wife lost interest and started hanging out with dudes, looking for attention. Ended up doing all kinds of things she would not let her husband do to her. She eventually told him and they are working it out.
Gotta be honest here, if you were deployed you're not immature, you see life differently. Yes, you should want to be a GREAT father to your kids but do it on your terms. I understand what it's like to get home from some shithole and have a need to do things for yourself. Most of the people on here are great people, but you know that they haven't "been there" and what works for them will probably not work for you. If you were overseas and shit didn't feel right, 9 out of 10 times it's because shit wasn't right. Do what you gotta do man and find some other vets to hang out with, believe me it makes everything easier. Good luck!
That's a BS excuse. I deployed to Iraq while I was in the Marine Corps, and I saw more than my fair share of immature Marines who thought the world owed them something for their service.
Deploying doesn't mature your ability to be a good husband/partner and a good family man. If anything, it stifles that side of you and it often takes more work to fit back into that framework than not. That's why so many vets return as hollowed out portions of their former selves, why so many military relationships end in divorce and why so many service members often commit suicide.
Family life here in the states is absolutely nothing like the experience of being in theater, so you cannot even compare the two.
Originally Posted by lys327
WOW...Seeing as I always put the kids first. I said what I said as a way of using lifting and my jeep as a stress relief for what ever she may be doing. I always put the kids first. That's why I drive a 97 TJ with 198000 miles on it. I put them and the wife in a 2013 kia. As far as immature, married for 12 years and have three kids. I am talking about her and I NOT THE KIDS!!! regardless of where we are and what happens to us, the kids will not suffer or be used as pawns as so many like to do.. Our kids are our life, we will never neglect or misuse them. So please don't confuse this as an immature rant. I am trying to seek out others experience. As far as the cell phone goes, she is always on it or the home phone. I am not going to check her records. I feel that guilt will turn her in...I will be myself and she will feel guilty and eventually tell me. I have nothing but time.
Sounds like you already blame her, which is exactly what is going to end up with the two of you divorced, if you don't change your ways of looking at things. If all you care about is your kids, you'd be trying every way you can to find out what it is that's bothering your wife to keep your family stable and together. It sounds like your wife is about to check out permanently, and you already have. Is that decision the best thing for your kids?
It sounds to me like your priorities are indeed pretty screwed up. Working on your Jeep should be a hobby only after your family, which includes your wife. Your kids don't solely make up a family.
Let's put the situation into your own terms: if your Jeep is broken and limping along, are you going to ignore it and let it eventually die beyond repair? From the sounds of it, you'd put the effort into fixing it as good as new. So why should your relationship with your wife be any different?
2012 2-Door Sport S in Flame Red
SRT, do you have a wife and kids that you came home to and shit was different? I did, and I'm not some punk who sat on the FOB. I'm sure you're not telling this soldier that it's all his fault especially since you spoke about how veterans have a high suicide rate.
I typically don't respond to these discussions, but for some reason I'm compelled to. I spent a career in the Air Force, so I know how deployments affect the family. I spent a full year on a remote assignment and she had the kids, house, work, etc to deal with. That in itself isn't an issue (at least it wasn't for us).
Little background. We married young. By young, I mean she was 15 (turned 16 2 weeks later) and I was 17. Yes she was if you must ask... Probably my biggest reason for enlisting was I needed to get my shit together and take care of her and our son. Shortly after that, we were stationed in N. Germany and I was gone a lot. Thing is, when I got home, WE spent the time together and did family things, or did things as a COUPLE.
Fast forward 38 years next month, we still do pretty much everything together. If I'm modding the Jeep, she's there helping me. That "help" might mean just chatting while I'm working, holding something for me, fetching a beer, whatever. I work swings, she works days. Every Thursday we have "Date Night" where she meets me for lunch (dinner for her). I don't go on Jeep runs, WE go on Jeep runs. I think you get the pattern here. Point being, if you do your thing, and she does hers, where is the "couple" things. If she wants to see some chick flick, never mind the "go with the girls" thing...You take her. Take her on the trail next time instead of one of your buddies. Sounds to me like she feels left out of the marriage and/or of your life.
Edited to add, note my avatar. It's not my Jeep, it's not me and my Jeep, it's us and our Jeep...
I waited until I retired from the Navy and STILL managed to fail at marriage,so my input will probably be skewed. On active duty, anyone with a marriage older than a few years was an outlier. On the other hand we're in a country where most marriages go south anyway without the stress of deployments...
With all respect to my forum brothers and sisters....if you think it's worth the time and effort...seek counseling. A flesh-and-blood third party might do the trick.
dont mean to bring up and old topic, but my buddy who is in the military and was deployed is going through the same thing and i dont have any idea what to tell him being i am 25 and have never been married. what ever ended up happening?
97 Wrangler 2.5 Manual SE. 157,000 miles