Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Nancy..
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Nancy staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night were you?'
Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Nancy said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.
'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last
confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month.'
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three HailMary's.'
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father',
it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with
Nookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'
This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Nookie Green?'
A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.
'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall,
voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered
the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly
sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest.
dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sitting with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Nookie Green?'
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,
'No Father, I think it's just the reflection from her shoes'..