Someone sure has it out for you, whats the rest of the story?
Might want to get a clearcoat pen at the auto parts store and fill that scratch in before it starts to rust.
Yeah the Billy Mays thing, I know it's sounds stupid but it will work for now.
Sorry to say but it most likley needs to repainted to really fix it. Wanted ad on Craigslist for the window might work.
Don't put clear tape over it, it will turn yellow and never come off.
If you have to patch it use Aquaseal from a sporting goods or fishing store.