Can you cry under water? Yes.... Yes you can! MMM, sniff, give me a minute! Sorry! sniff
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? I hope I never have to find out!
Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going? Oh... Is that where those African Money Laundering e-mails are coming from?!
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? I sure as hell hope I die with my Chuck Taylors on!
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? And it's cut in triangles!!! ARRRGGHHHH!!! Too much geometry!
What disease did cured ham actually have? Do they make a pill for it?! Makes me wonder about that rash on my butt!
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Wait.... What? I don't think the the wheels will work well on the moon! Tell ya what... The next time I'm there, I'll let ya know!
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Hmmm.... Makes me want to set by the crib... Just as the baby goes to sleep.....SCREAM!!! Serves the little bugger right! I hate being cock-blocked!!!
If a deaf/mute person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Hello?! Hey! Are you listening?!" MMMMM MMMM UUUUMMMM OHMMM!!
Oh damn! I'm going to hell aren't I?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? But... What if the movie is on TV?! Crikey, I've gone cross eyed!
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to
look at things on the ground? Um... Cuz most people are... Oh, I don't know... IDIOTS!!!
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway. Why, to start the camera of course! Geez! Don't you know anything?
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Cuz, thats the way Daddy likes it!
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Because domestic disputes often start at the breakfast table!
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about it?
Becasue "Jimmy shucks peas" didn't make the charts!
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? I dunno... Hey AD, can you tell us??
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a freakin' 3 foot hole in a boat? Dude!!! Come on!!! I have two words for ya! Ginger and Mary Ann!!! OK, that was three... Sue me!
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs for gods sake! And how come Donald is always naked from the waist down? Because, Walt was a freakin sicko!!! SICK-O!!!!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he
just buy dinner? Because, theres not enough salt in the world to make even chicken taste like a delicious roadrunner!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Oh, that's why it tastes funny?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Hmmm, Let me ask the next time I'm in DC... Oh sod it!
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Oh great! Now they are both stuck in my freakin' head! Kill me now!
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's inside your butt? Yeah, Why?! Cuz, I have an asteroid that feels like it's the size of Texas!
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
But the entertainment value when you roll up the electric window is PRICELESS!!!
Ok, Your turn! Share the thoughts on life's most perplexing questions!