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Old 06-05-2007, 08:21 PM   #31
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10 percent of all human beings ever born are alive at this very moment.
And half of those are irritating as hell.

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A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
I assume he can kill her for divorcing him.

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About 10% of the world's population is left-handed.
(hehehe Tiny....)
I'm special.

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America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.
I have a problem with three men sitting around and suddenly deciding it's time to be naked.

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Catholic Popes who died during sex: Leo VII (936-9) died of a heart attack, John VII (955-64) was bludgeoned to death by the husband of the woman he was with at the time, John XIII (965-72) was also murdered by a jealous husband, Pope Paul II (1467-71) allegedly died while being sodomized by a page boy.
This would be why they closed the door on Pope sex. They kept having to replace pontifs.

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For the 66% of American's who admit to reading in the bathroom, the preferred reading material is "Reader's Digest." (or Victorias Secret)
Yeah, reads victoria's secret. That's right up there with the articles in Playboy.

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Gerald Ford, George Bush, Tommy Lasorda, Ted Koppel, John F. Kennedy Jr., Bill Clinton and Tiny Terror are all left handed.
dear lord...

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Humans are the one of the rare animals which copulate face to face. Orangutans also copulate in this manner, the only other species to do so with the same regularity as humans. In addition, Bonobos have been documented doing the same, though only occasionally.
How'd you like to be the guy with the big fancy degree documenting how the monkeys are doing it? Slap that one on your resume.

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In 1960, an estimated 4,000 people were over 100 years old in the U.S. By 1995 the number had jumped to : 55,000.
And they are all in front of me on the highway making a perpetual left hand turn.

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In most American states, a wedding ring is exempt by law from inclusion among the assets in a bankruptcy estate. This means that a wedding ring cannot be seized by creditors, no matter how much the bankrupt person owes.
That's because the government was getting too many cubic zircons turned into them.

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Men commit suicide three times more frequently than women do. But women attempt suicide two to three times more often than men......... Guess the women just can't get it right!!
Because men are two to three times more irritating.

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Midgets and dwarfs almost always have normal-sized children, even if both parents are midgets or dwarfs. Tiny.......oh never mind
Hey. I'm a full three inches taller than midgets.

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More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.
Who's keeping track of these donkey deaths? Another one for the resume.

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Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.
Um.... because most people are being offered a new pen to sign their name.

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Texas was one of the first states to adopt capital punishment by lethal injection -- in 1977.
That's when they were still trying to be creative.

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The ashes of the average cremated person weigh nine pounds.
And they make a cool glaze.

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The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
Holy crap, I'm huge at night!!!!

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The average US male will spend 2,965 hours shaving during his lifetime.
And you guys only shave your face.... I hope. No Manscaping.

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The kiss that is given by the bride to the groom at the end of the wedding ceremony originates from the earliest times when the couple would actually make love for the first time under the eyes of half the village!
What was the other half of the village doing?

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Women shoplift more often than men; the statistics are 4 to 1.
You guys only have pockets, we have a bag.

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You share your birthday with at least nine million other people around the world.
I'm not sharing nothing.

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Old 06-06-2007, 09:12 AM   #32
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OMG Tiny...I'm peein' my pants ova here!!!
And you said I had too much time on my hands!

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Old 06-07-2007, 12:14 PM   #33
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OK, heres some more useless info...

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Guns don't kill people...it's those pesky bullets.

I took a Viagra once and it got stuck in my throat...Had a stiff neck for a week.

There are two kind of people in this world...People who drive Jeeps and the rest of you dumb bastards.

Never get between two dogs fighting or two chicks fighting...Either way you are gonna get torn up.

Buy the cheapest dress shoes you can and spend all your money on your work boots/shoes, 'cause those are the ones you'll spend the most time in.

If it quacks like a duck, feels like a duck and looks like a duck...it probably tastes like chicken.

I love the spotted owl...it too tastes like chicken.

Never mess in the affairs of dragons, fore you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

They claim that those electric hand dryers are better for the environment because they reduce deforestation, but they run on electricity that is produced with fossil fuel. hmmm

Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day...use him as bait and everyone on the boat is entertained.

Manhole covers are round so they don't fall down the hole...If they were square, they could.

Bantam designed the first Jeep...Ford and Willys were awarded the contract for production...Bantam was given a contract to build the little trailers that were sometimes towed behind them. And (sorry, don't get mad) but Jeep doesn't come from GP (General Purpose) it comes from the designation codes Ford had to describe the vehicle (G for government-use, and P to designate it as an 80-inch-wheelbase, 1/4 ton 4X4 truck).

The Ford GPW and Willys MB, while both produced at the same time, were completely different vehicles. However, most parts were interchangeable. Ford had a problem with this and had EVERY part, right down to the bolts marked with an "F" script to identify it as a Ford part and to help keep non-Ford warranty parts from being utilized.

ok...moving on...

Cows not only produce methane in their poop. The average cow can burp and could fill 140 two-liter soda bottles with gas daily. Unfortunately, burped methane is more difficult to collect, with the result that about six million metric tons of it float blissfully up into the atmosphere every year.

Paris Hilton is out of jail...If that were you or me, we'd still be rotting in our cell.

There is enough air in Paris Hilton's head to fill 340 helium balloons.

Despite advances in medical technology, death continues to be the number one killer of Americans.

5/4ths of Americans have trouble with fractions.

Contrary to popular belief, shit does not just happen. It is the result of a complicated chain of events that involve gnomes, ferries, ogars, 2 cats, 7 donkeys, 15 Wal-Mart greeters and a mule.

No matter how hot she is, somewhere, somebody is tired of putting up with her crap!

The square root of plaid is Vienna Sausage.

If I had known the difference between antidote and anecdote, my friend would be alive today.

Well, that's about all I have right now...
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Old 06-10-2007, 10:45 AM   #34
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I just found out that I'm four inches from needing a booster seat while in a car.
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Old 06-10-2007, 11:15 AM   #35
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The current issue of the Sears & Roebuck catalog is 3.24 inches thick...That and a phone directory should suffice!
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Old 06-10-2007, 12:50 PM   #36
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STRANGER THAN STRANGE LAWS

In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be lifted by the law if the driver is deemed either 'poorly dressed' or 'unbathed'.

On the island of Jersey it's against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

In Alabama it is illegal to carry a comb in your pocket, because it may be used as a weapon. This comes after a 13 year old boy was killed when he was stabbed with a comb.

In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.

It is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma.

In Fairbanks, Alaska it is illegal for a moose to walk on the side walk. This dates back to the early days if the town when the owner of the bar had a pet moose that he used to get drunk. The moose would then stumble around the town drunk. The only way the law makers could prevent this from happining was to create the law so the moose could not cross the sidewalk and get into the bar.

According to a british law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense. Offenders could be hanged for trying.

It is illegal to sell an ET doll in France. They have a law forbidding the sale of dolls that do not have human faces.
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:19 PM   #37
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Signs and Symptoms that you may be a Jeep Addict.


You take your date home early on a Saturday night so you can work on your Jeep.

You determine that the best route from Point A to Point B is through a rock pile or over a mountain.

You call a scratch or a dent, a beauty mark.

You roll it over and don't get upset.

Your Mom or your sister can't get in without help.

You judge every hill you see by how much fun it would be to climb.

You feel nauseous when you see a RAV-4 or a Chevy Tracker.

You get custom pin-striping from trail brush.

A low-rider Jeep pulls up next to you, and you want to get out and slap the driver.

You pull into the unplowed parking spots on snowy days.

You take your friends wheeling and they say "What trail; I don't see a trail!"

You've been forced to add TJ, CJ, YJ, and XJ to your spell-checker.

You can see OVER a Suburban.

You carry emergency supplies and clothing because you never know where you will end up.

It rains and you don't care that your top and doors are off.

You drive around to look at Christmas lights . . . topless.

You change your plugs in the parking lot at work on a break.

You take your Mom wheeling and she has to help you flip the Jeep back onto its wheels again.

You use an ice-scraper on the inside of the windshield.

You get more heat from holes in the floorboards than through the heater vents.

Every page of your repair manual has greasy fingerprints.

Passengers scream "DON'T ROLL IT!" when you take them wheeling.

You spend more time under your Jeep than under your significant other.

Winter comes and your can't remember where you left your top.

You spend more on car washes than on insurance.

Even worse, the car wash won't let you in.

You fix almost everything yourself.

You feel sorry for someone in a $60,000 Toyota Land Cruiser or Hummer.

You have all your credit card numbers memorized.

You slam the door and chunks of dried mud crumble to the ground.

You get asked to pick up your co-workers in a snowstorm . . . and get paid for it.

Your wife/girlfriend refuses to get in it.

You are the only one on the street who doesn't plow their driveway.

You are dating the Service, Parts, or Sales Manager at your local Jeep dealership.

You can't hear your $200 stereo over the howl of your tires on the highway.

You have a high-water mark INSIDE the Jeep.

After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?", the next question is always: "And you do this for fun, right?".

Your criteria for selecting a "significant other" includes auto repair skills--air tools optional.

You plan your wedding around the Club's trail ride schedule.

You save broken Jeep parts as "mementos".

You know the exact story behind every one (see above).

When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of "The Jeep Owner's Bible".

Your Jeep no longer fits in the garage.

You always have your drinks "on the rocks".

You think that any tire that isn't waist high looks like a bagel.

You can't take a girl, who's wearing a dress, on a date without carrying along a set of steps.

You can't sneak into church late because the engine is too loud.

You know your ring gear size, but not your wedding ring size.

All of your shirts have some sort of grease or oil stains, or battery acid holes, from not planning on working on your (or a friend's) Jeep.

You have a dirt berm at the end of your driveway from the mud that got washed off of your Jeep.

You think that an "airline" is something that connects your differential to your air compressor.

You stop trying to get the dirt out from under your fingernails.

You buy parts for your Jeep instead of food for your family.

You spend Super Bowl Sunday turning wrenches rather than watching the game.

Your e-mail address refers to your Jeep rather than you.

Your garage holds more Jeeps than your house has bedrooms.

You have enough spare parts to build another Jeep.

You have Jeep parts in your cubicle at work.

You have to wash your hands before you go to the restroom.

You carry along enough tools to supply a small garage.

You carry along a replacement part for every drive component on the Jeep.

You can air up your tires without stopping at a gas station.

You're constantly getting passed on the highway.

The Service Department has to let all of the air out of your front tires in order to reach the engine.

Your wallet is always empty!

You want to take things apart and rebuild them, even if they are not broken.

You understand that JEEP is a way of life, not just for transportation.

You have more pictures of your Jeep than of your kids.

You're sitting here reading this while your wife/husband is waiting for you in bed.
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:36 PM   #38
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STRANGER THAN STRANGE LAWS

In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be lifted by the law if the driver is deemed either 'poorly dressed' or 'unbathed'.
Damn, here in WV..No one would be able to drive legally!
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On the island of Jersey it's against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
Just when Haring-bone Dickie's were coming back into style!
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In Alabama it is illegal to carry a comb in your pocket, because it may be used as a weapon. This comes after a 13 year old boy was killed when he was stabbed with a comb.
But his hair looked FABULOUS!!!
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In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.
It scares the dogs!
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It is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma.
But, I hope they allow it soon because the Great Tulsa Humpback population is causing back ups on 244.
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In Fairbanks, Alaska it is illegal for a moose to walk on the side walk. This dates back to the early days if the town when the owner of the bar had a pet moose that he used to get drunk. The moose would then stumble around the town drunk. The only way the law makers could prevent this from happening was to create the law so the moose could not cross the sidewalk and get into the bar.
Oh no...Just wait 'til the folks at the Moose Independence & Liberation Foundation (MILF) get a hold of this one!!!
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According to a British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
This message brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.
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It is illegal to sell an ET doll in France. They have a law forbidding the sale of dolls that do not have human faces.
And yet the Paris Hilton doll sells like hotcakes! Go Figure!
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:58 PM   #39
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Pretty good cocain. And it only took you 2 days to think those up.

I especially like the department of redundancy department.
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http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...are/TMLogo.gif Are all fishermen liars, or do only liars fish?
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Old 07-24-2007, 08:14 PM   #40
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Useless facts

1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

2. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

3. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

4. Every time you lick a stamp, you consume 1/10 of a calorie.

5. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

6. Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.

7. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

8. The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; '7' was selected after the original 7-ounce containers and 'UP' for the direction of the bubbles.

9. 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Lady and the Tramp, and Mulan are the only Disney cartoons where both parents are present and don't die throughout the movie. .

10. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

11. 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

12. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, push your thumbs into its eyeballs - it will let you go instantly.

13. Reindeer like to eat bananas.

14. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver and purple.

15. The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."

16. Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

17. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

18. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II Killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

19. More people are killed annually by donkeys than airplane crashes.

20. A 'jiffy' is a unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
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Old 07-26-2007, 12:16 PM   #41
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A person can burn 200 calories per hour by having sex.
However, the average male only burns 20 calories.
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Old 07-26-2007, 01:18 PM   #42
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Here is one that I like... less than .01% of the worlds population are licensed pilots.
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Old 07-26-2007, 07:02 PM   #43
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[QUOTE=Iquois;108325]Useless facts

1. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.



I've always liked that my Jeep has a real strong sounding horn. Since it's a "little" car I assumed it would have a beep-beep sound. Still surprises me whenever I honk.
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Old 07-28-2007, 11:42 PM   #44
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Weird Facts



A snail can sleep for three years.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up at the sky.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

Apples are more efficient at waking you up in the morning than caffeine.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

A typical bed usually houses over 6 billion dust mites.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

Tigers have striped skin not just striped fur.

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left handed.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.

Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reinade los Angeles de Porciuncula"

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

A duck's quack doesn't echo

The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means "the king is dead."

A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.

The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.

A shrimp's heart is in its head.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.

There was once an undersea post office in the Bahamas.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven.

No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half.

There are more than twice as many kangaroos as people in Australia.

Maine is the only American state whose name is just one syllable.
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Old 07-29-2007, 01:11 AM   #45
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In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
Wow, is that really possible?
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Old 07-29-2007, 01:24 AM   #46
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Wow, is that really possible?
UM :bam:

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Old 07-29-2007, 09:00 AM   #47
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Wow, is that really possible?

Usually not, the cats have trouble signing the documents with their tiny little paws and since both parties have to sign even when a great dane is involved, they still need the clerk to look away for a minute so he can forge that cat's name.
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Old 11-21-2007, 07:48 PM   #48
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I missed this thread.
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Old 11-21-2007, 08:05 PM   #49
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The very first Jeep fact on here is incorrect. The Jeep was designed for specific duties, was never referred to as "General Purpose". That the name may have been derived from Ford's nomenclature referring to the vehicle as GP (G for government-use, and P to designate its 80-inch-wheelbase)

Many claim that the likelier origin refers to the character Eugene the Jeep in the Thimble Theater (Popeye) comic strip. Eugene the Jeep was dog-like and could walk through walls and ceilings, climb trees, fly, and just about go anywhere it wanted; it is thought that soldiers at the time were so impressed with the new vehicle's versatility that they informally named it after the character. The character "Eugene the Jeep" was created in 1936.
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Old 11-21-2007, 09:57 PM   #50
yes, I want some cheezy poofs
 
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After death, I just want to come back as a cross between a pig and a lion... Screw all the other useless facts. ahhh... 30 minute orgasms 50 times a day. You do the math.
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Old 11-21-2007, 10:02 PM   #51
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30 minute orgasms 50 times a day. You do the math.

Death before noon?
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Old 11-21-2007, 10:33 PM   #52
yes, I want some cheezy poofs
 
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Can you think of a better way to go?

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