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Old 05-29-2009, 12:59 AM   #1
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Letter of Apology to Best Buy #305 in Schaumburg, Illinois

My buddy works at Best Buy, and they have store forums. This one is going around on all the Best Buy forums, this is a TRUE incident....


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This Letter of Apology is not only for the staff at the Best Buy #305 in Schaumburg, Illinois, but also to the gentleman in the middle stall in the men's restroom at about 5:17 CST on Saturday, January 31st. You had been in there for awhile, so this Letter of Apology is as much for you. Please let me expand...

I recently finished reading The Chris Farley Show (I strongly recommend this book for everyone) and have been wanting to buy SNL's Best of Chris Farley. After my fiancee's grandmother's 90th birthday party in the northwest suburbs (very lovely gathering, by the way) Saturday late afternoon/early evening, I decide to stop by and buy it. Right away, I find the last one on the shelf as my fiancée is looking for other "bargains," and I pass it to her when I realize my stomach is rumbling. I decide to take a trip to the men's room in search of a better life for myself. That's when complications began to arise.

As I walk towards the men's room, a mother is telling her son "it's okay, use the bathroom, I'll be right here" or something like that. I remember being that age (about 7-9) and public bathrooms were not your friend. I walk in just behind the little boy and see him glance at the urinal for a brief second - and then he walks to the rear stall. DAMMIT!! The middle stall is taken, and I think pooping in a urinal on a Saturday afternoon is a felony in most states. I sigh, leave, and take a couple of more (fast) laps around all of the movies and Wii games.

I return to the restroom about four minutes and ten seconds later, and the rear stall is now open. PAYDIRT!!! The middle stall is still occupied by the same dude as before (I can tell by seeing the same shoes and pants on the floor underneath the door). I actually think to myself, "that sucks, poor guy." After wiping the toilet seat, I sit down and take a refreshing and cleansing poo. Things are looking up in life again.

I go to flush the toilet and sneer at how ugly it looks in there. It's bad. Really bad. It is actually too gross for me to follow-through on taking a picture of it and texting it to my friend Steve.

Anyway, here is where things went awry. Very. I flush the toilet. Bubble. Bubbling. Rumbling. Uh-oh. The water rises a little. Please go down. Please. The water rises a little more. Nervousness settles in. Quickly. poo. Dammit. %#&!. %#&!. %#&!. Stop the water. Industrial toilet. It's not an option. What the Heck. poo. Please go down. Water still rising. Not going down. Really bad. 1" to go. %#&! %#&! %#&!. Please just stop. 1/2" left. Time to think of an exit strategy. Water overflows. Well, I guess you can call it water, but it doesn't really look like water anymore. And, I just remember about the poor guy in the middle stall. Stay calm. And get out of there. Now.

"Watch your feet, dude, I'll get somebody quick." I said it as calm as I possibly could.

I almost immediately find a Best Buy employee: "I just wanted you to know that a toilet is overflowing in the men's restroom, and you're going to want to get somebody in there quick."

I find my fiancée almost immediately. I walk very (very) fast towards her. "Can you get the movies? I'll get the car." She knows something is wrong. Very wrong. I guess I won't argue with her buying Forgetting Sarah Marshall, then. I go to the car and circle around the parking lot for about eight minutes. I am hoping that the guy from the middle stall isn't scouring the parking lot yet for the guy with brown hair in the black pullover and dark green vest. My fiancée walks out, she jumps in, and I speed away as fast as a 5 MPH speed limit in a parking lot permits.

So, please accept my apology, the guy in the middle stall, and also the fine employees at the Best Buy #305. I sincerely apologize for any heartache, headaches, and pain I may have caused you. And for ruining your weekend. Every time I watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall with my lovely soon-to-be wife, a special cloud of guilt will hang over my head for you.

Sincerely,

Anonymous.

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Old 05-29-2009, 01:10 AM   #2
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What is truly sad for me is that after reading this post, I realize that the very small difference between that guy and me is that he took the time to write an apology letter.

Man, I'm a jerk!

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Old 05-29-2009, 07:41 AM   #3
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Ahhhh, yes.......the old poo-shoe debacle!!!
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Old 05-29-2009, 08:39 AM   #4
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This is wonderful. I work as a plumber and I get several calls for this exact thing. It is usually cuased by someone using too much paper or shoving the seat covers in, not just some guy with a misfortune.

Jeff
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Old 05-29-2009, 09:15 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turdhurdler View Post
This is wonderful. I work as a plumber and I get several calls for this exact thing. It is usually cuased by someone using too much paper or shoving the seat covers in, not just some guy with a misfortune.

Jeff
I would think that someone who works in the business would use the correct terminology. Paper Arse Gaskets.
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Old 05-29-2009, 10:49 AM   #6
Really?

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Paper Arse Gaskets.
Do you mean those free party hats in the john?!
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Old 05-29-2009, 11:15 AM   #7
that's what she said

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Quote:
Originally Posted by turdhurdler View Post
This is wonderful. I work as a plumber and I get several calls for this exact thing. It is usually cuased by someone using too much paper or shoving the seat covers in, not just some guy with a misfortune.

Jeff
is it possible to use "too much?" i thought the idea was do do it until it's clean.
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Old 05-29-2009, 11:18 AM   #8
Genius!

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Do you mean those free party hats in the john?!
Umm.........sure, whatever.
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Old 05-29-2009, 12:01 PM   #9
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two words courtesy flush
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Old 06-01-2009, 08:08 PM   #10
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you know whats funny, i work at best buy (well for them, not in the store) and i came back to the store once and someone shit all over the walls in the stall, and they made some under paid wharehouse worker clean it, thats all i can think of is htat poor kid cleaning up your shit for 7 bucks a hour (or whatever minium wage is)
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Old 06-01-2009, 09:03 PM   #11
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that's some funny crap.
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Old 06-01-2009, 09:06 PM   #12
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I know it to be wrong.... but I am laughing.....I have been on the claening end while employed at an amusement park.....
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Old 06-01-2009, 11:34 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jgano23 View Post
is it possible to use "too much?" i thought the idea was do do it until it's clean.
Yes, you can use too much. Like when the paper is rising out of the toilet like a mountain peak. Sadly, some wierd people will still use a toilet in that condition. I have seen foot prints on toilet seats from people using clogged toilets that have not been serviced yet.

It is still funny, especially when I am not the tech called out to fix it.

Jeff
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Old 06-05-2009, 12:52 PM   #14
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Wow, just wow. That pretty much sucks. They have to make bigger toilets with more power.

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