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Old 07-22-2011, 05:25 PM   #1
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My Gf's mom is a complete psyco! See what you think

So my gf and I have been talking for the last year about moving to Texas together. She is 18 and coming out of hs with a 4.0, I'm currently a new college junior. We have been dating for about 4 years. We wanted to go to UNT together starting Fall 2011 (next month!)
So this past weekend, we both went down to Texas to check things out/ get things in order. She had to do her Freshman orientation crap and I needed to find a place, get a new bank and take care of some other crap. She went down with her mom and I went down with my family. Her mom knew why I was there. We even had dinner with her the first night we were down there.
I found a freaking perfect apartment with great rent and covered parking for my Jeep . I made the down payment and application fees while I was there. I also opened up a Wells Fargo account b/c my bank does not exist down there.
We get back to crappy Cincinnati, OH two days ago. Here's where it gets f-ed up. Her mom says to my gf, "I dont like that Travis (me) went down there." Then she says to my gf that if I go, she will yank her out of UNT and cancel all pending payments and what not. My gf calls me crying and while she calls, her mom throws all her UNT stuff, shirts, acceptance letters ect in the freaking garbage like a 6 year old having a temper tantrum.
She says its not about me, she just doesnt want me to go b/c I will be like a 'security blanket' for my gf. Not once did her mom face me to talk to me about it. Needless to say, I'm kinda pissed. Meanwhile, my gf is stuck b/c college is really f-ing important and her mom is going to yank the plug. Does anyone else think this woman is nuts?!?! or is it just me?
I've spent my whole last 10 months planning for this and I'm supper committed to doing this now and all the sudden, 3 weeks away, the carpet is ripped up from under me. If you think she's a beotch, just say hell yes. I need to know I'm not crazy.

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Old 07-22-2011, 06:02 PM   #2
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As a parent of 16 and 19 year old daughters, I can certainly see her side of the story. did she not know you were dating her daughter? The age difference right now is not so much, but a 19 year old dating a 16 year old would not fly in my house.

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Old 07-22-2011, 06:23 PM   #3
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I'd be pissed. Appears as if your responsible and planned everything like an adult would. Visit, research, $ in order.
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Old 07-22-2011, 06:32 PM   #4
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i have to agree with daggo, maybe its time for you and your family to have a sit down with the GF and her mom..
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Old 07-22-2011, 06:45 PM   #5
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I completely understand her side of the argument although she came at it very immaturely in my opinion. To answer your question, she was completely aware that we were dating. My argument is that she came at it all wrong and was completely non-negotiable. And I will not sit down with her mother and my parents bc I'm a young man who represents himself. My parents don't need to come and tell her that they sign off on the whole thing in my opinion. I already talked with them a long while back and they are 100% behind my decision like a parent of a young adult should be. It's just crazy that she came at this last minute like this and that she has no room for negotiability.
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Old 07-22-2011, 06:48 PM   #6
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I had a nut job for what became a mother-in-law.

Sounds like Mom was hoping that you two being at different colleges would end the relationship. Now that you're changing colleges to be with her, live with her and f**k like bunnies at every opportunity (gosh, I miss those days... but I digress...) her hopes that you would be out of the picture are being dashed. She probably didn't like you from day 1 considering GF was 14 and you were 17 four years ago (assuming you started college immediately out of HS).

She's playing the money card on her daughter.

Stick with your plan of getting your own place. If Mom is footing the bill for your GF then the GF will have her own place. Should take a lot of the worry from Mom that you'll have her daughter knocked up before her freshman year ends.

Keep a low profile. In fact, you should let everyone think you have actually broken up over the whole ordeal. You can sneak around for a year with each other before getting "back" together.

You should probably re-think the relationship anyway, if you have to follow her to Texas. If you can't be apart while school is in session (while you go to different colleges) without it falling apart, life is going to put a Hell of lot more temptations in front of you should you two get married one day.

If you can't survive a couple of years now when you're hot for each other you sure won't survive when it gets boring.

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Old 07-22-2011, 07:17 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by MattD
I had a nut job for what became a mother-in-law.

Sounds like Mom was hoping that you two being at different colleges would end the relationship. Now that you're changing colleges to be with her, live with her and f**k like bunnies at every opportunity (gosh, I miss those days... but I digress...) her hopes that you would be out of the picture are being dashed. She probably didn't like you from day 1 considering GF was 14 and you were 17 four years ago (assuming you started college immediately out of HS).

She's playing the money card on her daughter.

Stick with your plan of getting your own place. If Mom is footing the bill for your GF then the GF will have her own place. Should take a lot of the worry from Mom that you'll have her daughter knocked up before her freshman year ends.

Keep a low profile. In fact, you should let everyone think you have actually broken up over the whole ordeal. You can sneak around for a year with each other before getting "back" together.

You should probably re-think the relationship anyway, if you have to follow her to Texas. If you can't be apart while school is in session (while you go to different colleges) without it falling apart, life is going to put a Hell of lot more temptations in front of you should you two get married one day.

If you can't survive a couple of years now when you're hot for each other you sure won't survive when it gets boring.

Life is a cup of half your favorite ice cream, half crap. Your job is to keep the spoon in the ice cream.
Well put! Me and my gf (now wife) lived apart for quite a while, she was at school and I had a job that was far from her and didn't allow me to travel much, it was really hard but we made it work and all in all it was well worth it, if you're determined to marry this girl then you can find a way to make it through (good suggestions above)!

It does sound like the mom is over reacting a bit but that's what parents do sometimes, there are lots of ways to pay for college that don't involve your parents money, sure it sucks if they saved it for her and now she can't use it but there are always other ways. Hope you guys figure something out and best of luck to you both!
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Old 07-22-2011, 07:36 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by daggo66
As a parent of 16 and 19 year old daughters, I can certainly see her side of the story. did she not know you were dating her daughter? The age difference right now is not so much, but a 19 year old dating a 16 year old would not fly in my house.
+1. Mom handled it poorly, but I still agree with daggo.
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Old 07-27-2011, 12:32 AM   #9
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Parents can get very emotional when they realize that their children are leaving. Sure it's a part of growing up and most want their children to succeed, but I'll bet dollars to donuts that she wants her daughter to go to college while living at home and when she went down there with her to scope out the campus, she freaked out.

That or maybe you are a total ass hat and they don't want her to be around you... I don't know, this is the internet and it is impossible to know people through a computer. Sure, you may be responsible, but let me ask you this... did you ever blow one at the dinner table and blame it on the dog, clog their toilet, run over their cat, take their underage daughters virginity? You might not be a very popular person in their eyes.

My advice to you, no matter what, is that if you really do love their daughter and want to continue to be with her, then you are going to have be nice to them and refrain from publicly calling them out and definitely do not bash them to friends or family. If they ever crawled this thread and read what you had to say, how fast (in mili-seconds) do you think your relationship would be over?

I would also like to bring up that you are in college. Two weeks, 350 keg stands and seven orgys after the breakup, you won't even remember her name. Then after your ninth time in the hospital recovering from alcohol poisoning, you will meet a hot young nurse who held your head up over the toilet all night and before you know it, you will be telling your dauther that she "can't go off to college with a guy like that" either.

Seriously though, good luck and I wish you the best.
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Old 07-27-2011, 12:52 AM   #10
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I am trying to figure out the easiest way to put this, but the truth is just going to come out.
College isn't like high school. Relationships are a whole different ball game. If this relationship is committed as you say it is, there is no need for you to move your entire life to her college. You can still be together, visit each other, and be together after college.

You also need to think about college. It is a time for new things, new friends, and other fun activities. You may be holding each other back. I say this because I have personally seen many of my friends being stuck in a serious relationship, only to have it fall apart and they wonder where college went. My buddy decided to go to a poorly rated school, because his girlfriend was going there. He told me he was going to marry her, that serious. The relationship failed after 4 months in college. What did he turn down? A full-ride to UCLA.

Decisions my friend. Decisions.
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Old 07-27-2011, 04:19 AM   #11
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My wife and I started dating when she was 16 and I was 20. She stole me from a 3 year relationship that was going no where (and her twin sister was dating a 23 year old at the time so her Dad really couldn't complain much). Anyway...

I never went to college, I worked as a Union Electrician and did 4 years of school to get through my apprenticeship. When she graduated HS she went to a college about an hour and a half away. I always told her if she found someone that treated her better than me to breakup with me and move on. Yes I would have been devastated at the time, but I loved her and wanted her happy. She was close enough to visit every weekend, but far enough away that she could grow as a person.

One of the issues mom might have is she wants her daughter to grow as a person and if she lives with you she isn't going to reach her potential. She also might be hoping her daughter finds someone else because she doesn't approve of your relationship and wants a "better man". However didn't her mom know that you two were planning this? You both had to apply and be accepted and that doesn't happen overnight.

I would talk to your girlfriend and push her to stay on campus while you stay in your apartment. We all know she most likely will spend every minute with you, but it might be the reassurance mom needs. This also gives you both some security in case the relationship does fail. Since you are a junior you have experienced two years of college already you know what college is all about. Your girlfriend hasn't and though you are in love now, it doesn't mean you will love each other tomorrow. If mom has been overprotective and overbearing your girlfriend might not handle her new freedom the way you wish. She may push her feelings that she had against her mom towards you as you try to maintain your relationship.

I am not saying any of this will happen, I'm just telling you what I saw from other people my wife went to school with. As for my wife and I, we broke up for three days during her sophomore year. She said she wanted some space and I understood that. I told her I would call her when I got home to let her know I arrived and when I did she was begging me to come back because she made a mistake. I told her to give it a few days to make sure she really wanted to continue with our relationship. On Wednesday she called and asked me to come immediately because she was certain she wanted to be with me and knew she made a mistake. So I took the next two days off sick and we had makeup sex for four straight days.

We have now been together for 23 years and married for 18 this October. We have two beautiful children and I love her more and more everyday. She is an angel that somehow fell in love with me and thankfully never left.

Good luck with this. If it was meant to be it will work out, if not than whatever doesn't kill you, will make you stronger.
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Old 07-27-2011, 08:29 AM   #12
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Your girlfriend's mother sounds psycho. I can understand her not wanting you two to live together, and pulling the funding plug if you do, but I can't understand why she'd throw a temper tantrum like a 6 year old.

I'm lucky though, I'm 25, my girlfriend's 19, and her mom is glad she's with an older guy. Of course her dad was a good 25 years older than her mom, but who am I to judge?

Then again, I've never had a single maternal instinct in my entire life. I have never had any desire to duplicate my DNA or have a small beast running around in my likeness, and I fully intent to get snipped soon. Acting like a child must be one of those crazy procreater things.
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Old 07-27-2011, 11:06 AM   #13
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As a 19 year old, I used to think that I knew everything and invincible. Ten years later, I know that I hardly know much. If she is going to college on her mother's money, don't you think she could have a say so or there be stipulations? I also understand that the mother could have acted in a different manner. Her daughter is growing up and she feels that she is losing her to you and the world. How could she not be upset? If you plan on marrying this girl you may want to keep a good relationship with the mother. It makes a world of difference when everyone gets along. Be mature and handle this like a man. Don't stoop down to her level and act as she did. Call her or go by her house and make small talk with the mom. She will eventually see you as a man instead of some punk kid trying to get in her daughter's pants. And she knows about guys getting into a girl's pants, she had a kid.
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Old 07-27-2011, 02:21 PM   #14
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**** it do what makes you two happy it's your life live it, face it her mom needs to see her daughter has a good set up
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It's time for you guys to take your relationship to the next level and her mom shouldn't stop you, if she won't pay for the school her daughter wants to go to fine so be it have your Gf do community college down in Texas(Financial aid will cover) it might not be what she wants but you guys will be together n her mom will see she can't stop you guys.

Believe me this is the best way to go about it I've been in the same situation n in the end nothing will matter when you two are together in your own place. Dont let parents and their wants effect your relationship n life
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Old 07-27-2011, 04:53 PM   #15
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I've always heard that if you want to see what your girlfriend will be like in 20 years look at her mother. Sounds like that would be a little scary in your case.

Frankly, neither one of you is old enough and experienced enough to have a clue. IMO you both need to focus on getting your schooling done and then worry about settling down. If you can't go to school together so what... If the relationship was meant to last - it will last. If it wasn't meant to last, at least you won't screw up your chance at a good start in life while finding that out.
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Old 07-27-2011, 05:01 PM   #16
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Maybe her mom drives a hummer? Haha sorry I just know what it is like to deal with a psycho mother in law...I had to get a restraining order against my ex's mother in law when we were together
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Old 07-27-2011, 09:31 PM   #17
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A lot of good advice above. Just know that being honest is the best practice here. Talk to her mom as an adult and be sincere. Let her know why you both want to go to school together and be open to her moms opinion. She may have a valid point, may hate you, or knows that at your ages is the time that people really need to develop. Personally my ex in-laws are all crazy selfish people. After my ex got back in good graces with her dad he offered to buy her a house in socal. She came home the next weekend saying she's done. We got married young and she is already back to acting like a promiscuous college freshman. Maybe she didn't get it out of her system or as a person took a total 180 degree change since we got married 9 years ago. Let's say IF you two can stand to be away from each other for longer periods of time you are only half there because then you need to be happy together when the excitement fizzles. Some people can't handle that and believe that there will always that excitement and surprises. Truth be told, once you are married you need to be best friends who are still attracted to each other. Yes she sounds crazy but maybe there's a legitimate reason and you wont know til you have a good level headed conversation. Good luck!
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Old 08-02-2011, 10:59 PM   #18
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So wht ended ip happening.....?
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:06 PM   #19
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Yeah, what happened? and for the people saying they can't be apart.... obviously he was in college for two years while she was in highschool, and they have dated 4 years, that is a pretty long time esp for us young people who get bored in two weeks... I think mom def over reacted.
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:09 PM   #20
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Yeah, what happened? and for the people saying they can't be apart.... obviously he was in college for two years while she was in highschool, and they have dated 4 years, that is a pretty long time esp for us young people who get bored in two weeks... I think mom def over reacted.
Agreed! The mom def needs to calm down n realize her little girl is growing up
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Old 08-03-2011, 02:45 PM   #21
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Why are you in school right now? What is your goal? That is the biggest concern you should have right now.

It sounds to me like the only goal you have right now is to stay connected to your GF. From one angle, it sounds noble. From another, (perhaps the one her mother is viewing from) it looks like you're super clingy and you're just following her wherever she goes.

If its meant to be, its meant to be and it will find a way. If its not meant to be, you can follow her to the four corners of the earth and sit on top of her every waking moment of the day, it still won't work out.

Your education and future are the most important priority right now. If you can't support yourself as an adult, you're not going to be able to support the woman of your life, whether its this one or someone else down the road.

Good luck
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Old 08-03-2011, 07:17 PM   #22
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...... I dnt think anybody understands "young love"...
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Old 08-04-2011, 09:41 AM   #23
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She is 18 and coming out of hs with a 4.0,
Am I the only one who misread this as meaning the 4 liter Jeep engine?
Really? Just me? OK, sorry. I'll slink off now.
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:09 AM   #24
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I understand her mothers point. I am 25 years old and have only been out of college for a few years. I saw more then a few friends from high school move and follow their love interest at the time to their college only to miss out on other opportunities.

If it was my daughter in this situation I would be most worried about her not experiencing college and missing out in all that goes with it. Yes college is about watt more then books and classes, and yes, I have seen plenty of people male huge mistakes over love.

Good luck to both of you.
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Old 08-04-2011, 10:13 AM   #25
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You say she is crazy and the mother is over reacting, but wait until the shoe is on the other foot!
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Old 08-15-2011, 12:23 AM   #26
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Sorry for not responding for so long. I have been avoiding it because I dont know what i'm gonna do yet. I obviously am not going to Tx for this semester at least but I'm actually mad at my GF for not standing up to her mom. I am just really astounded that all we have been through together, yet she is so afraid of her mother that she wont stand up for someone she supposedly loves. Every time I try to say anything it always ends in argument. I'm gonna be devistated but I dont want to follow her after 4 months. Then I would feel like I'm only going for her and not for my own interests. I would have been on track to graduate because of the freshness to my jr. year if I went now but if I spend 4 months here taking classes, it wouldnt make any sense for me to go. I feel like I deserve better than what has been set on my plate here. This was mostly to vent. Thanks for all the responses.

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