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Old 05-29-2011, 04:58 PM   #1
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Need relationship advice im 26 she is 34 with 2 kids

I'm a 26 yoa male successful. I work for the sheriff and have 8 years invested in my career. I bought a beautiful house last year. I have four vehicles and a small savings account. I met a woman who is now 34 yoa about four years ago, she was getting hired in law enforcement for the same sheriff. I thought to myself how gorgeous she was. Well somehow we got to talking a few weeks after and I was dating her and another girl. The other girl was my age with no kids so I chose her cause I wasn't ready for the kids thing .


Years went by and I always wanted to be back with the 34 yoa woman.

The girl the same age as I am moved in my house and six months into it I could take it no more cause I really wanted a relationship with the 34 yoa woman with two kids.



So now the 34 yoa woman and her two children 10 yoa and 15 yoa girls moved into my house. They have been there now since oct 2010.

The first few months were great... Now as of today I'm twisted. I'm never right to her, everything I do is not good enough, she downs me every chance she can.

"example"

Went to dinner. She makes a statement I'm not going to let you go out to eat with my father when he comes intown next week. Why? Cause I just found out from her I don't eat my steak correctly cause I use a1 steak sauce, tobacco and I cut my steak into pieces prior to eating ohhhh forgot to add I ordered French fries on the side. And when I tell her she is rude to me she turns it on me and it all becomes my fault.



I feel lost what do I do?

Ohhh btw I'll add she has two kids with two different men only one she was married to and I try my hardest to entertained make friends and be there for her children.

Am I immature thinking this woman is using me and only with me cause it's comfortable for her?

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Old 05-29-2011, 05:12 PM   #2
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I just want to point out one thing. If you ever get serious, fall in love and get close to the kids and break up.... it will hurt twice as bad.
The heartbrake of losing a girl and a child (two in your case) that you see yourself being a legit part of their lives... it SUCKS. I've been there and it was horrible.

That's not to say run from a girl when she has a kid, it just to keep in mind the bigger picture and the risks and benefits.

That is all I have to comment with. Good luck broski!

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Old 05-29-2011, 05:23 PM   #3
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I love her to death and want to marry her however she continues to say I never do anything right, down my
Personal character and make me feel like her subordinate. I love the children especially the younger one cause she has taken to me the most.
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Old 05-29-2011, 06:09 PM   #4
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She has to be able to love you for who you are, or it will never work. At least you are learning how she feels about you before you guys get married. I have been with girls that have done things that I didn't like and I tried to change them. It doesn't work. A person should never be asked to change who they are, unless it is hurting them or someone else.
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Old 05-29-2011, 06:23 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstJeep4Me
She has to be able to love you for who you are, or it will never work. At least you are learning how she feels about you before you guys get married. I have been with girls that have done things that I didn't like and I tried to change them. It doesn't work. A person should never be asked to change who they are, unless it is hurting them or someone else.
Thanks I do appreciate that.
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Old 05-29-2011, 06:31 PM   #6
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Sounds like you have alot to offer, take that into consideration when you make your decision, living together is tough and everybody gets on each others nerves after awhile, Try getting her away from the kids for a bit and really get down to the basics of your relationship, If at that point it feels as if she really is just using you, then grab your balls and bounce. But if it seems like an underlying issue is causing her to lash out then figure it out together and let her know that you care for her deeply and only want the best for her and her kids. Be Sincere. A confident man will get his way, but a man lacking in self worth will be walked all over. With that said, I hope you find what it is your looking for, and dont settle for second best, we are all worth more than we give ourselves credit for. Take care.
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Old 05-29-2011, 06:32 PM   #7
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My advice is don't get married. Good luck.
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:40 PM   #8
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:10 PM   #9
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Why? Cause I just found out from her I don't eat my steak correctly cause I use a1 steak sauce, tobacco and I cut my steak into pieces prior to eating ohhhh forgot to add I ordered French fries on the side. And when I tell her she is rude to me she turns it on me and it all becomes my fault.
IMHO

I agree with her. Learn to eat like a grown up and maybe she will treat you like one.

Obviously she doesn't want you to meet her father, so think about that one too...
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:16 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matcheen

IMHO

I agree with her. Learn to eat like a grown up and maybe she will treat you like one.

Obviously she doesn't want you to meet her father, so think about that one too...
Is there any more manly a combination than a1 + Tabasco + steak? I think not. As long as he orders med rare.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:46 PM   #11
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I appreciates everyones advice. Thank you all. I guess I'll give her a bit see how things go and go from there. I don't want y'all thinking I'm some kinda pushover I'm just a simple man from bama. I've never had these problems before cause if I wasn't happy in a relationship it was NEXT. However I really love her and understand she has problems .


Problems including terrible mother and father relationship. Two different baby daddy's. O.C.D " my house is usually spotless but I have an English bull" she can't quit cleaning. And her oldest child who is 15 would rather be living with her adopted father from her prev marriage and she would probably rather be mothered by her adopted fathers girlfriend.


Wow looking at words. I've never really realized all the issues she really has.


My issues besides me working on my jeep too much equals none
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:45 PM   #12
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Dude life is too short not to be happy. Last thing you want to do is get her knocked up. She's already had 2 kids with 2 different men tells me she's bat sheit crazy and they couldn't stand her either. It's not gonna get any better get out now while you still can. You're young, enjoy life and find someone you have more in common with.
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Old 05-29-2011, 09:50 PM   #13
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:26 PM   #14
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Sorry to hear about the issues , have you ask why she dogs you out ? Seems likes maybe she had an inferiority complex and finding something to bring you down , gives her a boost . But if you can't resolve it now it won't get any better. I could not live with a women who always dogs me . Good luck !!!
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:03 PM   #15
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Trust your instincts now or you will be kicking yourself later.

She's a trainwreck and your brain knows it. Your heart or your male ego doesn't want to admit that you made a mistake.

Let her go now. The heartache of moving on will be much cheaper emotionally and financially if you do it now.

There are women out there who will treat you better. Pinky promise.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:16 PM   #16
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I have to agree with the guys that are telling you to back off. She might be great in the sack, but that is not what makes a great relationship.

I lost my first wife to cancer after 19 years together. Waited awhile, then jumped into the deep end of dating. Pretty scary at 38.

But, I got through it. Had a few false starts. Sex was good, but mindset sucked. Their kids were angels. Mine were Devils. Even though they were doing the same things.

While in Grief counseling, I met a woman that lost her son to MD. We knew each other for 2 1/2 years before we dated. Been married for almost 7 years.
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Old 06-03-2011, 05:58 PM   #17
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You might be finding out why she's gorgeous and yet is 34 yo and couldn't make it work with either father of either child. Sure there's always two sides to either story but if she's such a catch someone would be more willing to hang onto her and they might have had their reasons to run. Or they could have been someone worth runnng from too. We don't know but you might.

But your "loved one" should make you feel loved. How you eat is trifling at best. Something to tease about every now and then but a NON-ISSUE in the grand scheme of a relationship. She may be gorgeous but there's plenty of pretty fishies in the sea and you sound like a seriously decent guy. You do need to think of her kids. People have mentioned you getting attached to them, but you also need to think about them getting attached to you. If you decide you're not going to be with this woman, the sooner you end it the better for them. Before they become even more attached to you.

Good luck with everything though!
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Old 10-15-2012, 07:54 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FirstJeep4Me View Post
She has to be able to love you for who you are, or it will never work. At least you are learning how she feels about you before you guys get married. I have been with girls that have done things that I didn't like and I tried to change them. It doesn't work. A person should never be asked to change who they are, unless it is hurting them or someone else.
x2
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:07 PM   #19
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2 alpha dogs in the same household is tough! I'm assuming that eating your steak this way is not a new developement. I'm thinking its just fine. You have to let people be who they are. There are always things about someone else that might irk you but thats life. You should not ever feel put down or be put down.
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:38 PM   #20
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The simple fact that you are posting this tells me that you are looking for justification to end it. You are obviously a well adjusted person, with a long and sometimes difficult career ahead of them.
It is my humble opinion as a twice divorced former US Marine and LEO that you should move on and ask her to do the same. I personally have a rule to NEVER date or get involved with someone I work with, and every time Ive broken that rule (even for a night) it has not worked out well.
I wish you the best, and whatever your decision I appreciate and respect your career choice.
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Old 10-15-2012, 09:57 PM   #21
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Walk.
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Old 10-15-2012, 10:15 PM   #22
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Walk.
Run dont walk. I'm currently starting my own divorce after 15 years and that sounds eerily familiar.
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Old 10-15-2012, 10:29 PM   #23
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I have to agree with her. A1 and tobacco? I really hope you meant tabasco, but either is just wrong unless you're eating steak at Sizzler, which is also wrong.
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Old 10-15-2012, 10:37 PM   #24
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When you are in a committed long term relationship the two of you need to be back to back swinging at anything in the world that threatens the two of you. It sounds to me like she is swinging plenty, but facing the wrong way...
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Old 10-15-2012, 10:46 PM   #25
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How did this May 2011 thread get dug up?

I do want to find out what happened.
Update?!?

I agree with others don't marry cause she isn't going to get any kinder with a ring on her finger that is for sure!!

Oh yeah. Please pass the A1 please.
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Old 10-15-2012, 10:50 PM   #26
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Listen to people who have learned the hard way, if things aren't grand now they won't ever be. Find someone who you mesh well with, who's your best friend and you actually enjoy talking with. If everything is your fault then clearly she thinks you are wrong then that's a big red flag. You're better to cut your losses and find someone that compliments your personality rather than butts heads. I found my girl and she was my everything, my best friend and my lover. I lost her at the age of 34 and not a day goes by that I don't miss her with all my heart.
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Old 10-15-2012, 10:51 PM   #27
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Ditto...RUN LIKE THE WIND! If you are questioning it at this point and asking advice on a public forum you already know the answer. I didn't pay attention to how old it was, but regardless it won't get any better if anything it will get worse. You can't change someone if your not good enough for her now you sure won't be when you get a ring on her finger. Sounds to me like your good enough to give her and her kids a place to live and provide for them, but not good enough for her father. Ditch her at your age you'll find someone who appreciates you. I wasted 15yrs on someone I thought would eventually change and now I'm 42 and single talk about a dating pool shock!
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Old 10-15-2012, 11:27 PM   #28
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You obviously have the doubt already. Make a pro/con list and weigh it out. Talk to some really close friends that you respect and trust. But whatever you do with regards to continuing or stopping the relationship, don't half commit and sit on the fence because you are setting yourself up for misery that way.
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Old 10-16-2012, 12:49 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by flyfish29
How did this May 2011 thread get dug up?

I do want to find out what happened.
Update?!?

I agree with others don't marry cause she isn't going to get any kinder with a ring on her finger that is for sure!!

Oh yeah. Please pass the A1 please.
Haha I apparently dug up a bunch of old threads last night oooppsss..was searching for one and stumbled upon many lol
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Old 10-16-2012, 12:51 AM   #30
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Funny, I just caught this on a current thread refresh. I did not even notice the date. Now I want a update!

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