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Old 06-08-2009, 04:40 PM   #1
Really?

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Oil Change Instructions

Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00


Oil Change Instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack Jeep up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's Power Wheels Jeep.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath Jeep.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in six fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower Jeep from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move Jeep back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive Jeep.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Jeep gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get Jeep from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total $4150.00


But, at least you know the job was done right.

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Old 06-08-2009, 04:50 PM   #2
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You never know when the quick-lube will miss putting the thin layer of oil on the new filter gasket.

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Old 06-08-2009, 07:33 PM   #3
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Wow... I was skeptical at first; my wife changed her own oil when we first met. After depositing spittle all over the screen, I have to say thanks for this... wish I could say I've only lived it once!
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Old 06-08-2009, 07:58 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jupiterboy View Post
You never know when the quick-lube will miss putting the thin layer of oil on the new filter gasket.
the last time I took a vehicle of mine to one of those quick lube places, they forgot to put the oil in, they did a helluva job draining it, but not so much on filling it.

Thankfully I noticed it shortly after I left and checked and remedied the situation. It was partly my fault becuase I should have been watching them, but I was on the phone.
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:14 PM   #5
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I change my oil just fine, Cain.
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Old 06-08-2009, 09:30 PM   #6
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Jack stands to change oil on your Jeep? Mine sits high enough to just crawl under it. My goal is to use a red wagon as a creeper. Everything else on the list is true though.

Jeff
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Old 06-09-2009, 08:12 AM   #7
that's what she said

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ccain View Post
Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00

apparently ^she does not own a jeep.

Oil Change Instructions For Jeep Chicks
1) Check to see if used oil container is full. Remember that the last time you changed your oil you dumped the "used" oil in the "new" oil containers and recycled it already.
2) Go to auto parts store and pick up oil & filter. While there, look at hand cleaner and decide that sugar, soap, and water work better than any hand cleaner, plus it exfoliates skin.
3) Park Jeep in driveway so engine can cool.
4) Check WF and make a few posts before changing oil.
5) Grab wrench from your toolbox b/c god only knows where hubby's tools are
6) Place cardboard under Jeep for rock and oil spill protection.
7) Put pan under engine
8) Unscrew drain plug and put on cardboard next to wrench so you know where it is.
9) Stand on bumper and kneel on fender to remove oil filter b/c you are too short reach it from standing on the ground.
10) Apply thin coat of oil to filter gasket and reinstall oil filter.
11) reinstall drain plug.
12) Fill engine w/ oil.
13) Tighten oil filler cap and close hood
14) Dump "used" oil in empty "new" oil containers so that pan is empty for next time.
15) Put tools back in your tool box.
15) Wonder why there is a wrench shaped mark on Miss December's left boob and then decide to draw clothes her. (optional: grumble about how much better she look than you and call her a derogatory name)
16) Log on to WF, find the "What Did You Do For Your Jeep Today?" thread, and post the latest news.
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Old 06-09-2009, 05:25 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jgano23 View Post
9) Stand on bumper and kneel on fender to remove oil filter b/c you are too short reach it from standing on the ground.
10) Apply thin coat of oil to filter gasket and reinstall oil filter.
No silly, you need to install the new filter...
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Old 06-09-2009, 06:38 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jgano23 View Post
apparently ^she does not own a jeep.

Oil Change Instructions For Jeep Chicks

5) Grab wrench from your toolbox b/c god only knows where hubby's tools are
.
true, I have 2 or 3 of a lot of things, becuase at the time I last needed them, I decided it would far quicker to go buy another, than find the one I already had.
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Old 05-31-2011, 03:24 PM   #10
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Thumbs up hahaha

hahahahahahaha good one!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ccain View Post
Oil Change Instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00

Oil Change Instructions for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack Jeep up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's Power Wheels Jeep.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath Jeep.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in six fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower Jeep from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move Jeep back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive Jeep.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Jeep gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get Jeep from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total $4150.00

But, at least you know the job was done right.

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