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Old 08-16-2013, 10:42 PM   #61
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My father-inlaw would say "that is heavier than a dead preacher".

Friend of mines sister (not a looker) got a boob job. He said "that's like putting rims on a pinto"
Cant make a silk purse outta a sows ear!

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Old 08-16-2013, 10:43 PM   #62
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Dumber than sour owl shit

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Old 08-16-2013, 10:47 PM   #63
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"Don't worry about that mule going by, just keep loading the wagon."
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Old 08-16-2013, 10:54 PM   #64
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Get the hell out of Dodge!

or

get the fu$k outta dodge!!
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Old 08-16-2013, 10:58 PM   #65
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You dont know shit from shinola.


What the hell is "Shinola?"
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Old 08-16-2013, 11:06 PM   #66
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Shinola was a well known shoe polish back in the day...

Shinola - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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Old 08-16-2013, 11:09 PM   #67
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Don't let your mouth write checks your ass can't cash.
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Old 08-16-2013, 11:16 PM   #68
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Shinola was a well known shoe polish back in the day...

Shinola - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Well there ya go.

My gramps passed away almost ten years ago but i inherited one from my lady that is a spittin image if the ole coot. (Tryin to work in some old fart lingo) funniest thing he ever said to me was " I wouldnt piss up her ass if her guts were on fire" i still laugh to this day over that.
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Old 08-16-2013, 11:45 PM   #69
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It's like watching a piss ant eating a bale of hay
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Old 08-16-2013, 11:49 PM   #70
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You don't give a Rats ass.............
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Old 08-17-2013, 12:25 AM   #71
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"She's a Mona Lisa".

I never knew what that meant until I saw the real painting up close in person at the Louvre.
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Old 08-17-2013, 02:45 AM   #72
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Hey you, quit pissing up a rope.
You had better cover your ass.
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Old 08-17-2013, 03:20 AM   #73
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You talk like a man with a paper as&hole
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:50 AM   #74
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"Politicians are like diapers, you have to keep changing them out - usually for the same reason."
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If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.” - Frank A. Clark
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:27 AM   #75
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Not PC

Some gems on here I'm thinking of taking notes. Some of mine were from old chiefs that were old to me when I was a young man (Now I am the old chief). Some have already been mentioned.

I've been to three state fairs and a goat fuck and never seen nothing like that.
That is a Hong Kong no-shitter.
Thats crazier than a shit house rat.
Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

My mother used to threaten to sell us to gypsies.
Don't make me pull this car over. (she never did)
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:37 AM   #76
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Y'all got the cart in front of the horse.
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“Coming of age in a fascist police state will not be a barrel of fun for anybody, much less for people like me, who are not inclined to suffer Nazis gladly and feel only contempt for the cowardly flag-suckers who would gladly give up their outdated freedom to live for the mess of pottage they have been conned into believing will be freedom from fear.”
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Old 08-17-2013, 02:40 PM   #77
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As a child at the dinner table, YOU ARE TO BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD..........
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Old 08-17-2013, 02:55 PM   #78
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Close the door! We ain't heatin' the whole neighborhood!

Close the fridge! Your lettin' all the cold air out!

That costs money!

If you're gonna do it, do it right.

Shake firm and look'em in the eye.

I ain't the smartest tool in the shed...

Don't come up in here like a bull in china town!

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make'em fish...

And many, many more...
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Old 08-17-2013, 05:59 PM   #79
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Eat your veggies there is people starving to death, and they would love to have your food! My response "give it to them" dads response "be a smart ass again" go ahead say it again
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:01 PM   #80
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Eat your veggies there is people starving to death, and they would love to have your food! My response "give it to them" dads response "be a smart ass again" go ahead say it again
Apparently we had the same dad. Or at least they'd met....
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:04 PM   #81
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Apparently we had the same dad. Or at least they'd met....
You my daddy? Lol.... My pops is a sailor
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:11 PM   #82
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My pops is a sailor
Another reason to like you......


One from my dad "Don't you piss down my neck and tell me it's raining, boy"

Usually following some lie I was trying to tell to get out of trouble and preceding an ass whupin'...
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:14 PM   #83
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Another reason to like you......

One from my dad "Don't you piss down my neck and tell me it's raining, boy"

Usually following some lie I was trying to tell to get out of trouble and preceding an ass whupin'...
Or go get me a stick to beat you with! And dont bring no pu$&y willow branch either
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:15 PM   #84
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I got my love of marines from my pops
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:18 PM   #85
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Damn. MY dad did the whole "go cut me a switch" thing.. Gave you a lot of time to think while you went to look for one....
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:21 PM   #86
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Or this one " go head and cry i'll give you something to cry about". Whats bad is i actually used this.. Guess the nut doesnt fall far from the tree after all
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:25 PM   #87
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$hit, the first time I head my dad's voice come out of my mouth, it frightened me...
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Old 08-17-2013, 06:27 PM   #88
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$hit, the first time I head my dad's voice come out of my mouth, it frightened me...
Same here.. But kinda bitter sweet too!


My favorite
Attachment 287049
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Old 08-17-2013, 08:26 PM   #89
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Damn. MY dad did the whole "go cut me a switch" thing.. Gave you a lot of time to think while you went to look for one....
If I had a dollar for every switch I had to get I wouldn't work anymore, and my neighbor was the only one that switched me!
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Old 08-17-2013, 09:19 PM   #90
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaBound View Post
Apparently every parent has always walked to school uphill both ways in the snow
Don't forget they were bare foot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeeplover1 View Post
And dont bring no pu$&y willow branch either
Why? Pussy-willow branches hurt like a son of a gun.

When cooking with ingredients my grandpa didn't like, grandma would say, "you can"t taste it, it's just in there for flavor".
Grandpa would say, "even pigs don't eat tomatoes" or whatever grandma was trying to feed him that he didn't like.

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