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Old 01-18-2008, 01:42 PM   #1
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Pilot Complaints

Keep in mind, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a GED to fix one. Reassurance for those who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet". It tells the mechanics about any problems they had with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs on the form. Then the pilots review the "gripe sheet" before their next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the correction solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (marked with an S).

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident of any form.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land NOT installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 ft per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME Volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect your right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one)
S: Aircraft warned...to straighten up, fly right, and be serious or else.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Target radar reprogrammed with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And saving the best for last.....

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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Old 01-18-2008, 02:06 PM   #2
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Thanks, kg4kpg, I needed that!

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Old 01-18-2008, 02:12 PM   #3
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Haven't seen that one is years. Still funny.
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Old 01-18-2008, 03:00 PM   #4
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got a chuckle!
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Old 01-19-2008, 08:22 AM   #5
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i dont know if its just that funny or im in one of those moods but i laughed so hard i got tears in my eyes, everyoe i work with was just looking at me..oops..lol
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Old 01-19-2008, 08:59 AM   #6
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You realize the midget will sue for his hammer to be returned.

(Very funny KegOBeer)
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Old 01-19-2008, 10:39 AM   #7
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Quote:
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned...to straighten up, fly right, and be serious or else.
Please apply this to this forum.


On second thought, NEVERMIND!!!
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:00 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by usmc02tj View Post
i dont know if its just that funny or im in one of those moods but i laughed so hard i got tears in my eyes, everyoe i work with was just looking at me..oops..lol
I about cried on the Missing Engine 3

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Old 01-19-2008, 02:50 PM   #9
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I'm sending this to my buddy who in in the air force. thanks for the good laugh

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