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Old 02-04-2008, 09:58 PM   #1
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school work help (Govt)

hey guys,
I know some of you are involved in politics and some are excellent writers (TINY!)
I need some help for my government class
MODS- if this violates any forum rules, please lock it (I know this is political)

if this is ok, I would like to show my political paper.
I had to write about an article about the presidential candidates (mainly focus on the democrats) and what they are going through.
I tried to stick some good humor in there for ya
I am not really involved with politics, but just want to see what everyone thinks. (excuse the bad grammar and such)
I want to hear if you like it or not, and if you have any suggestions let me hear it! I wont get mad or angry, promise

Going into battle, there is no clear winner between Obama and Clinton. While McCain enjoys his picnic view from up above, the democrats continue to attack one another from every angle they can. They hit on immigration, oil, abortion, Iran, Iraq, and one of the most important weapons at their disposal, the economy. The battles range from different areas of the country, from the most important California all the way down to New Jersey, small but mighty. Clinton has a strong backing, most being from her husbands supporters, while Obama is backed by the people who want "change". McCain simply relaxes and jokes with buddy Mitt Romney while he gets to watch the democratic party split in half. I guess McCain can laugh about it, he has won many states already, even broke through the enemy line with Florida, now all thats left are states that he has pushed major money into advertising for, and of course he will take the grand canyon state, and most likely California (being a neighbor state). It should be amusing to see such an interesting race, not between a republican vs. a democrat, but a republican vs two different democrats, with totally different views and backrounds, that will split a majority party. Oh yeah, don't forget about the Inde's, Ron Paul.

Theres one keyword that the democrats worry about: delegates. Not the popular vote, that won't lead them into the oval office, but delegates from each state, and the super delegates that will jump on the bandwagon of a winner in the future. Super delegates usually would have to choose to represent and back a presidential candidate, but because this election is so unique, no one knows who will win. The analysts don't know, the experts don't know, the candidates campaign managers can't even tell. Super delegates have to wait, then wait a little longer, in order to see who will win the democratic nominee after state delegates vote, then they will support the winner, because lets face it, no one backs a loser. The main focus for Obama and Clinton is California. Making up most of the delegates, California could determine the democratic nomination. With the new democrats proportional voting, it doesn't matter about the popular vote. If Obama receives 62% of the popular votes in Kokomo (a city in CA), and Clinton receives 38% of the votes, they get the same amount of delegates 2-2. And we wonder why we don't know who the democrat nominee is. In the past, this proportional voting has been a success, because one nominee was greatly favored over another. Now in 2008 with such a close democrat presidential nominee race, this "great success" puts the candidates in quite a pickle! In order to get more delegates, they have to dominate a city or town with 2/3 majority. So we have two candidates, in a 50/50 race for the nominee, but they need a majority of delegates to win, popular vote doesn't matter. I say lets sit back and enjoy the view, because these battles will grip the nation. One may win a battle, but who will win the war?

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Old 02-04-2008, 10:10 PM   #2
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Is this copied verbatim from your paper or did you retype this just for the forum? The reason I ask is you have some serious punctuation and grammatical errors in it.

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Old 02-04-2008, 10:15 PM   #3
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this is a rough draft for my paper, not the final version
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Old 02-04-2008, 10:34 PM   #4
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Add some paragraphs, RB, it'll be easier to read.
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Old 02-04-2008, 10:38 PM   #5
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Is this copied verbatim from your paper or did you retype this just for the forum? The reason I ask is you have some serious punctuation and grammatical errors in it.
Oddly, still MUCH easier to read than Debruins usual gibberish!
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Old 02-05-2008, 05:51 AM   #6
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Just out of curiousity, but why are you FORCED to write about the democrat candidates? The reason I ask, is this is exactly the reason why I did not go to college, and went to a trade school instead. Every single college I went and visited and sat in their class (it was quite a few) preached democrat values, and told people that sided on the right they are wrong. Just curious if your class is this way also, or if this was just an assignment based on the current problems in the democrat party.
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Old 02-05-2008, 06:58 AM   #7
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X2 on the paragraphs and punctuation, other than that it looks good. My guess is that since you had alot to say about the two Lib's arguing your leaning more toward the republican vote? just wondering. personally I think the little show that Clinton and Obama are putting on is perfect cause really their just splitting the vote more for the republicans to gain more control. I think that with the policies that the lib's are throwin around are gonna totally f*%& us if either one gets into office. I mean honestly we already saw how hillary ran the presidency and her term ended with Bill, and Obama is pretty far out there in his plans as well.

many many teachers are more on the liberal side of the spectrum and unfortunatly can't distinguish between single sided and giving the equal views of both sides. I had to take my Political Science class over twice because the teachers were so one sided or worse (green party). I love talking politics with people but usually the feeling is not mutual after they start talking with me cause I usually have a comeback or answer to whatever they say.
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Old 02-05-2008, 08:10 AM   #8
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well my teacher is def. a democrat, a hardcore one at that
I am not a strong republican or anything, i was just bashing the dem.'s cause my teachers is one, i just wanted to piss him off a little bit
(nothing against the dem.!)
in class we have written papers on both parties, every day we switch off. Yesterday was the day about democrats.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone (democrat or not), I'm not trying to attack anyone or their party. Just need some help with some school work
thank you to those that answered
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Old 02-05-2008, 08:15 AM   #9
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careful with attacking the teachers through papers. my freshman year of college I took the first PS class with the green party professor. he had announced to the class that his daughter that he "adopted" was an illegal from mexico. well to cut a long story short after he said that there were words between him and I during the class then he told us that for the final we had to do our paper on a state senate bill...I did mine on one that was trying to give illegals in-state tuition... needless to say he failed me on my paper that I worked for a month on and then failed me in his class.
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Old 02-05-2008, 08:31 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by JCS05Rubi View Post
Just out of curiousity, but why are you FORCED to write about the democrat candidates? The reason I ask, is this is exactly the reason why I did not go to college, and went to a trade school instead. Every single college I went and visited and sat in their class (it was quite a few) preached democrat values, and told people that sided on the right they are wrong. Just curious if your class is this way also, or if this was just an assignment based on the current problems in the democrat party.

God forbid you should be exposed to look at things from a different point of view than your own.
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Old 02-05-2008, 08:50 AM   #11
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A good teacher loves a differing point of view. If you want to come of a little more cutting RB a simple changing of your choice of verbs would help what you've already written to be much stronger.

Such as going into batttle.

Marching into battle, there is no clear winner between Obama and Clinton.

I love McCain enjoying his picnic view, I might add some atmosphere in there, as in...

While McCain enjoys his picnic view from up above the smoke...

The best thing you can do is (and NOT every sentence) is choose your verbs aggressively if you want your feelings to shine through. The more passion you want the piece to come off, the more active your verbs and images should be.

Just a thought. I'm not very political, but I thought it read well other than the normal punctuation and grammar issues.
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Old 02-05-2008, 10:46 AM   #12
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God forbid you should be exposed to look at things from a different point of view than your own.
Yes, god forbid the educational establishment actually entertain the idea that other political views should be allowed a voice on campus.
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Old 02-05-2008, 10:46 AM   #13
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Hello RbnMex nice effort on your paper. As mentioned proof reading for grammer and punctuation is a good idea in this case.

If you would like to get under your liberally inclined instructors skin (generally not a good idea but I suppose it's ok if you keep on subject and don't revert to personal attacks) perhaps you should consider tying your thoughts together by asking why the democrats, after 8 years of President George W Bush, who is at all time low in the popularity pols and universally dispised by the far left as well a significant portion of the more moderate population, why are the democrats having so much trouble putting a candidate in the white house. Is it because the democratic party is run by far left socialist nut jobs and thus out of touch with it's base support?. It appears at this early point in the game a republican, John Mccain, is the man to beat- not the other way around.

Also a factual error in your paper states that Mccain and Romney are buddy's. If the press is to be believed quite the oposite is true. In fact John Mccain and the other republican candidates dislike Mr. Romney on a personal level.

Just my .02 since I'm bored at work today.
Good luck.

P.S. I didn't proof read my reply either.
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Old 02-05-2008, 10:53 AM   #14
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Is your paper supposed to be factually accurate, or an opinion piece?

Your summation of McCains position is way off. Much of the Republican base is in open revolt over his possible/probable nomination.
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Old 02-05-2008, 12:36 PM   #15
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thank you for all your responses
with the McCain and Romney thing, I know they are not "buddies"
that was my attempt at politicial humor haha
it was an opinon paper, nothing more.
As for my teacher, he is very friendly and welcomes all political views, he encourages us to write what we want.
Tiny- thank you for your help, I will correct those ASAP
thank you to all!
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Old 02-05-2008, 07:06 PM   #16
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Old 02-06-2008, 04:26 AM   #17
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I see you're 18 and figure you're a senior in HS. Most teachers at that grade require papers be written in MLA format. Start with some sort of thesis statement (what your paper is about). The first paragraph should be an overview of what you will cover in the later paragraphs. The stuff you have written is fine for the body of the paper. The final paragraph should have some sort of conclusion. This format will be continue to be used throughout college if you are going. Learn to write in this format and pepers will get much easier and your grades will go up. Good luck.
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Old 02-06-2008, 07:59 AM   #18
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yeah most of my teachers do require MLA format
on this one, he said we could do whatever we wanted.
thanks for all your help guys!
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Old 02-06-2008, 08:50 AM   #19
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I used to get dinged all the time over that format.... I felt the teachers should have a little suspense in their lives. Didn't go over well.

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