Saw this somewhere else, just to damn funny.
Tequila Christmas Cake
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila
again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and
drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of b utter in a
large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup... just in
case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the lequita to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt
Or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through
the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.