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Old 12-13-2007, 06:41 AM   #1
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The Morons are Coming

Newly added for 2007...

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, during which the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kiwi Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket!

8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition: The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

They still had the trailer attached to the bottom of the boat.

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Old 12-13-2007, 06:57 AM   #2
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WOW...makes me feel pretty smart!!!

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Old 12-13-2007, 09:30 AM   #3
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NOTICE - that most of these take place in California, and not in the south....

Just thought I would point that out.
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Old 12-13-2007, 09:43 AM   #4
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NOTICE - that most of these take place in California, and not in the south....
Visiting relatives from the south...............
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Old 12-13-2007, 10:00 AM   #5
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Visiting relatives from the south...............
You KNOW that's BS... we don't venture out that far.
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Old 12-13-2007, 10:06 AM   #6
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Texas is as far as we will go.
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Old 12-13-2007, 10:09 AM   #7
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Well, y'all are no fun.
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Old 12-13-2007, 10:22 AM   #8
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Well, y'all are no fun.
How so? Just because left coast people are as stupid as southerners?
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Old 12-13-2007, 10:34 AM   #9
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I think I saw this somewhere before... Oh yeah, right here! Anyone else see the irony?
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Old 12-13-2007, 10:34 AM   #10
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Ok, I've been to Seattle and it was beautiful.

...I've also been to L.A. and I'm scarred for life from that brief moment in psychoville.

I was a pilgrim in a strange land and the natives did not appreciate my Gun Owners of America shirt in the least. A stroll down Rodeo Drive got me more heated looks than if I had walked into a nursing home and robbed them of all the tapioca pudding.
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:17 AM   #11
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When I was a kid i had a license plate frame that said D.A.M.M. on top and Drinkers Against Mad Mothers on the bottom. I received a lot of bad looks with that one. I had to take it off because i was getting yelled at.
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:27 AM   #12
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How so? Just because left coast people are as stupid as southerners?


Nope, reference the post above mine.
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:31 AM   #13
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Nope, reference the post above mine.
Thanks T



And to add fuel to the fire the front plate was a rebel flag.
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:40 AM   #14
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Texas is as far as we will go.
But... Texas is like a whole nother country. Right?
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:47 AM   #15
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But... Texas is like a whole nother country. Right?
In their minds it is..........
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Old 12-13-2007, 11:50 AM   #16
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But... Texas is like a whole nother country. Right?

The way things are going we'll be calling it Mexico again in a few years.
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Old 12-13-2007, 12:39 PM   #17
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Damn, I am getting slammed here. Well I have been to the west coast several times. I have spent about 3 months in LA...and love it. If I could afford it, I would move there in a heartbeat. But the south is just so damn afforadable. So I will stay in the lovely town of Atlanta.
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Old 12-13-2007, 12:54 PM   #18
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Don't do it Taz, I spent three weeks in LA during training and I'd rather shove an ice pick in my ear than go back for any length of time.
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Old 12-13-2007, 01:03 PM   #19
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No worries, I would not be able to talk the fam into making the move...now New Mexico, colorado, Arizona...i could talk them into.

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Don't do it Taz, I spent three weeks in LA during training and I'd rather shove an ice pick in my ear than go back for any length of time.
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Old 12-13-2007, 01:04 PM   #20
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Now Colorado, I'd go back in a heartbeat. Best stated I've lived in so far.
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Old 12-13-2007, 01:10 PM   #21
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Colorado rocks! Almost moved there. However, I had a date with destiny and met some girl that changed my plans.

I suppose it was for the greater good good. I dumped her and later met my wife. Wouldn't change a thing except maybe move to Colorado now.

You can't eat the view..... Not many biotech companies there for me.
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Old 12-13-2007, 01:12 PM   #22
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I lived on the far side of a 10k acre ranch, nothing between me and the Rockies but Denver and cattle. I could see from Pike's Peak to Mnt. Evans. It was incredible.... but you're right, can't eat the view.
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Old 12-13-2007, 01:32 PM   #23
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I had been there when I was a kid back in '76 and it really left an impression on me. Fast forward to '91 and I still had the bug to go back, so I did. My cousin lives in Golden and I stayed with her and her husband for a week while I interviewed for a couple of jobs.

So I interviewed on Monday and spent the next 6 days running around in my rental car, racking up 600 miles drinking in the views. Had my eye on a ranch with a few acres outside of Golden. Back then it went for 150K, came with horses and incredible views of the front range and Denver. I can only imagin what it cost now.

Been to Silverton, Pikes Peak, Big Red, Colorado Springs, Boulder and Aspen.....can't make up my mind what i liked the most...
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Old 12-13-2007, 09:36 PM   #24
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I think I saw this somewhere before... Oh yeah, right here! Anyone else see the irony?
Yeah, I noticed, I was waiting for someone to notice! Good work! Oh well, this thread has been jacked to death anyhow!
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Old 12-13-2007, 09:53 PM   #25
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GOD BLESS TEXAS!
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Old 12-14-2007, 05:31 AM   #26
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So I will stay in the lovely town of Atlanta.
lovely town??? are you blind with no sense of smell?

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It was incredible.... but you're right, can't eat the view.
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...I and spent the next 6 days running around in my rental car, racking up 600 miles drinking in the views.
so you cant eat it, but it is drinkable?
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Old 12-14-2007, 06:43 AM   #27
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Your point?
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Old 12-14-2007, 07:39 AM   #28
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I wasnt making a point.. I was asking a question
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Old 12-14-2007, 08:40 AM   #29
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Sorry, the sarcasim did not come out in the text. I have been here for over 20 years, trust me, I am ready for something different.

[QUOTE=Jase;171623]lovely town??? are you blind with no sense of smell?
[QUOTE]

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