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Old 06-25-2013, 03:57 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Crosseyed Cricket View Post
I need to vent, my wife is currently working part time (35-40 hours a week) but is only making about $12/hour with no benefits. I work full time (40-50 hours a week) making about $35/hour with full benefits. She contributes $130 towards the household bills, I pay the rest ($2300).

I feel that she needs to make up this difference somehow, right? Whether it be cleaning, laundry, mowing, little uh uh (If ya know what I mean ), something. Currently the laundry isn't being done (At all), the house is a wreck and I'm about ready to move in to Rausch Creek's camping area.

Am I missing something? Should I just shrug it off and be happy that I have a wife that lets me do whatever I want? This is seriously getting to the point where I'm just pissed off as soon as I walk in to my front door, and don't want to even be at home.

/rant.
So let's say in a good two-week pay period (before taxes), you guys bring in a combined $4,460 every two weeks. But she only contributes $130? Yeah, if that was me it wouldn't only be $130.

I agree she needs to make up the difference somewhere. Even if she doesn't **** you until kingdom comes - Cleaning, cooking, etc. are pretty good ways to say thank you for paying for mostly everything.

The easiest way to do this is to make her imagine if the roles were reversed. What if you gave her $130 while she had to pay everything else, then at the same time you didn't cook, clean, etc. & didn't satisfy her either?

I hate reading guys vent like this, I feel like it isn't fair at all & a lot of guys are so quick to adopt the, "I don't ask my wife for anything, I keep my mouth shut, I'm so whipped," attitude. I'm so blessed I struck gold that I never had to worry about any of this with my GF. We're not married but we act like it with two kids, sharing expenses, a bank account, etc.

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Old 06-25-2013, 05:04 PM   #32
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So let's say in a good two-week pay period (before taxes), you guys bring in a combined $4,460 every two weeks. But she only contributes $130? Yeah, if that was me it wouldn't only be $130.

I agree she needs to make up the difference somewhere. Even if she doesn't **** you until kingdom comes - Cleaning, cooking, etc. are pretty good ways to say thank you for paying for mostly everything.

The easiest way to do this is to make her imagine if the roles were reversed. What if you gave her $130 while she had to pay everything else, then at the same time you didn't cook, clean, etc. & didn't satisfy her either?

I hate reading guys vent like this, I feel like it isn't fair at all & a lot of guys are so quick to adopt the, "I don't ask my wife for anything, I keep my mouth shut, I'm so whipped," attitude. I'm so blessed I struck gold that I never had to worry about any of this with my GF. We're not married but we act like it with two kids, sharing expenses, a bank account, etc.
So what you are saying... is that she isnt a significant other, shes a **** that is just there for your "special time" and to clean up after you? Pretty chauvinistic dude. Im not one for keeping my mouth shut but i also dont believe that $ earned means a damn thing for how hard you work. I make damn good money and all I do is sit at a desk. I know others that barely scrape by with 3 jobs that are all extremely demanding. Does that mean I am a more worthwhile person in a relationship? Nope... just means I fell into a job that utilizes skills that happen to pay better.

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Old 06-25-2013, 05:21 PM   #33
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For what it's worth.. here are my 2 cents.

Marriage is a partnership. If a couple has an attitude of us against the world, then it works. I should do more to help my wife. I have no doubt my wife thinks she should do more to help me. Bottom line we both look at what has to be done and jump in to get it done. We laugh, we fight but bottom line we work to ensure the FAMILY is taken care of.

If your wife has to work late one night she has to work. Doesn't matter how much she makes or what she does. She has a commitment and your job is to do what is needed to make you sure she can keep it. She needs to do the same for you.

Most of all talk with her. Let her know you want to work together. Maybe there are some things she'd always rather do by herself.. for my wife it's actually dishes and laundry... I know, I know.. I'm a luck guy!

Bottom line don't let the stresses of the world get between your love for one another. Stresses come and go. True love doesn't.
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Old 06-25-2013, 05:54 PM   #34
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So what you are saying... is that she isnt a significant other, shes a **** that is just there for your "special time" and to clean up after you? Pretty chauvinistic dude. Im not one for keeping my mouth shut but i also dont believe that $ earned means a damn thing for how hard you work. I make damn good money and all I do is sit at a desk. I know others that barely scrape by with 3 jobs that are all extremely demanding. Does that mean I am a more worthwhile person in a relationship? Nope... just means I fell into a job that utilizes skills that happen to pay better.
You completely missed my point my friend. The amount of money the OP makes doesn't mean he works harder than his wife, it just means he pays for mostly everything so the wife can at least do more around the house. If someone didn't cook, clean, left the house a mess, & contributed $130 out of a possible $960, what do you call that? She doesn't have to blow him but is it really wrong to think, "Gee, my husband just paid $2,300 of our bills while I paid $130... I wonder what ways I can contribute too. Let me make sure the house is clean, let me make sure the sink is dish free, etc."
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:03 PM   #35
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TBH, the amount she makes working the extra 10-15 hours a week while letting the house go to shit isn't worthwhile.

150 bucks? You make that in just a few hours while it takes her several days. I'd gladly hand over the $150 myself provided she kept up the house and wouldn't bitch at me for working a bit later here and there or a couple hours on the weekend.

Teamwork. That's the deal I'd strike.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:11 PM   #36
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So what you are saying... is that she isnt a significant other, shes a **** that is just there for your "special time" and to clean up after you? Pretty chauvinistic dude. Im not one for keeping my mouth shut but i also dont believe that $ earned means a damn thing for how hard you work. I make damn good money and all I do is sit at a desk. I know others that barely scrape by with 3 jobs that are all extremely demanding. Does that mean I am a more worthwhile person in a relationship? Nope... just means I fell into a job that utilizes skills that happen to pay better.
I'd rather have a clean house, some dinner, couponing action, and all the chores taken care of than have a wife working 40 hours a week for literally no money and equally as tired when she got home as I am. I'd rather work harder or contribute more financially, or cut back myself, to have her do a 20-30 hour work week and have the energy to take care of those things I can't when working 50-60 hours + a week for way more money.

It just doesn't make sense -- especially considering that when joint filing he's getting more per dollar worked without her working, so the difference is even less than it seems.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:16 PM   #37
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"Gee, my husband just paid $2,300 of our bills while I paid $130... I wonder what ways I can contribute too. Let me make sure the house is clean, let me make sure the sink is dish free, etc."
At your age I felt that way too. Take a look at the averages on housework:
Men vs. women: How much time spent on kids, job, chores?

I guess the wife could have the attitude that jerk better pay my way, since he does nothing around the house.

Or they both could realize the other is dealing with a lot of stuff and work it out together. But I guess that means "whipped" in your terms, right?
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:24 PM   #38
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Some friends tell me I'm whipped all the time. I love my life that my wife is a part of. If that makes me whipped so be it. I usually just wink and smile and ask how long it's been? Shuts 'em right up!

For every bud that thinks i'm whipped, i have a friend that is envious of my family and what we have. It's all relative.

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To the OP- sorry you asked ?
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:25 PM   #39
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More popcorn anyone?

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Old 06-26-2013, 09:58 AM   #40
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Bunch of cavemen in here... but perhaps someone else who mentioned it was right, those that grew up with the "old" mentality of the men working and the women taking care of the house, have a bit of a push in that direction.
Me... amount of money earned (as I was trying to explain) does not = how much they contribute to home life. I would bet that if anyone in here worked 3 demanding jobs a day and made less than their wife did, would argue they worked harder for the money and didnt need to also clean/cook. Or is that statement wrong? Put that shoe on the other foot and explain it.
Making money <> working harder. Anyone contributing is equal, regardless of the amount. Now an argument could be made on who gets first dibs at spending a little on the side for things they want... being a breadwinner on that front does give a little more benefit.
Again... make yourself single and tell me you wouldnt be paying rent/mortgage, car payments, insurance, utilities, food etc as well as cook, clean, maintain... and then tell me that you would rather be that way than with a partner that shares (key word, shares) in those responsibilities as well as extends your financial freedom even in the slightest bit.
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Old 06-26-2013, 03:12 PM   #41
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Let me throw this at you for a slightly different perspective.

First marriage: Married at 21, high school girlfriend. She was alcoholic, diabetic, AND depressed. I was doing it all: work, chores, medical bills, counseling, etc. We fought all the time. That didn't work out.

Second marriage: I knew what I could and could not tolerate in a relationship. My new wife was in the same boat, and with 2 kids.

In this marriage, I supported us while she raised the kids and went to school. THOSE are fulltime jobs alone and I realized that. Whoever had the time took care of laundry, cleaning (kids responsible for their OWN cleaning and laundry though), cooking etc.

Marriage isn't about a tally sheet of who does what and how much. It's about partnering, sharing, compromising, and accommodating.

Before she got out of school, she got internships that paid well, so paying the bills got easier. YAY! She didn't offer, and I didn't ask. We just have a joint account for that stuff and bills come out of it. She went to work full time but quit after a while because she was diagnosed with MS and needed to deal with that. She's taking care of that aspect of things and taking care of herself. She spends a lot of time at the gym because exercises REALLY helps her symptoms stay away.

Do I resent that or see it as her being selfish? Not in the least. She's doing what SHE needs to do to take care of herself so she's here for us and the kids for a long time.

If you go into a marriage expecting it to be a balanced scale, you might be happy about 10% of the time. Some may see as my lifestyle as a sacrifice of my time, wants, and needs. But my biggest joy in life is having a wonderful family and a happy marriage. If that means that I unload the dishwasher and clean up after dinner or perhaps do laundry this week, then so be it. There are days I come home and the house is immaculate because she did the cleaning.

You may be married, but that doesn't give you control over how they live or what they do. That just isn't right, nor is it fair. Appreciate why you married her and just do what needs to be done. There have been many nights I wanted to go home and work on the Jeep or do some maintenance, but other things got in the way and my plans went out the window.

We always say, "Take care of the needs before the wants." I may want a belly up skid, but the needs of bills, home repairs, etc take priority and always will. Or my wife having a bad day from MS may keep me from going and playing golf because she needs me to help her with stuff. The intangible benefits of taking care of the needs make up for the loss of my plans.

Being a good husband and a good father is at the top of my list. Being a good golfer, having a great Jeep, or anything else is far down on that list.
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Old 06-26-2013, 04:37 PM   #42
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Let me throw this at you for a slightly different perspective.

First marriage: Married at 21, high school girlfriend. She was alcoholic, diabetic, AND depressed. I was doing it all: work, chores, medical bills, counseling, etc. We fought all the time. That didn't work out.

Second marriage: I knew what I could and could not tolerate in a relationship. My new wife was in the same boat, and with 2 kids.

In this marriage, I supported us while she raised the kids and went to school. THOSE are fulltime jobs alone and I realized that. Whoever had the time took care of laundry, cleaning (kids responsible for their OWN cleaning and laundry though), cooking etc.

Marriage isn't about a tally sheet of who does what and how much. It's about partnering, sharing, compromising, and accommodating.

Before she got out of school, she got internships that paid well, so paying the bills got easier. YAY! She didn't offer, and I didn't ask. We just have a joint account for that stuff and bills come out of it. She went to work full time but quit after a while because she was diagnosed with MS and needed to deal with that. She's taking care of that aspect of things and taking care of herself. She spends a lot of time at the gym because exercises REALLY helps her symptoms stay away.

Do I resent that or see it as her being selfish? Not in the least. She's doing what SHE needs to do to take care of herself so she's here for us and the kids for a long time.

If you go into a marriage expecting it to be a balanced scale, you might be happy about 10% of the time. Some may see as my lifestyle as a sacrifice of my time, wants, and needs. But my biggest joy in life is having a wonderful family and a happy marriage. If that means that I unload the dishwasher and clean up after dinner or perhaps do laundry this week, then so be it. There are days I come home and the house is immaculate because she did the cleaning.

You may be married, but that doesn't give you control over how they live or what they do. That just isn't right, nor is it fair. Appreciate why you married her and just do what needs to be done. There have been many nights I wanted to go home and work on the Jeep or do some maintenance, but other things got in the way and my plans went out the window.

We always say, "Take care of the needs before the wants." I may want a belly up skid, but the needs of bills, home repairs, etc take priority and always will. Or my wife having a bad day from MS may keep me from going and playing golf because she needs me to help her with stuff. The intangible benefits of taking care of the needs make up for the loss of my plans.

Being a good husband and a good father is at the top of my list. Being a good golfer, having a great Jeep, or anything else is far down on that list.
Read this.

Now read it again.

In ten years, read it again.
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Old 06-26-2013, 04:45 PM   #43
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yeah I am an old crusty retired 1st sgt....ya think I am easy to live with......not!!!!
But, she loves me and has a good heart....so I can put up with a little disorganization.
Not to mention she never says no to a little ugh ugh
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Old 06-26-2013, 05:04 PM   #44
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So many replies, lol.

The 50/50 split wasn't dedicated to one specific area, but more of a combined percentage of effort put towards the house/bills/etc.

I do make enough to support both of us, she wants to work which is great. For the next two years she is finishing up school after which she will double my salary. So believe me I am not trying to come off as she HAS to contribute the same amount of money that I do but she should contribute the same amount of effort towards the house (if that makes sense...).

Right now we have a split budget, she has hers and I have mine. To this point it works, but I feel that it is too separated. We are going to try a joint budget with one "pot" that all the money flows in to and see how that works. Money isn't an issue at this point and if she had to stop working for a child, we would be fine. But she would be contributing to the household by taking care of the child.

WorkingMan, believe me I love my wife and I love being with her. The things I am describing are the only things within our relationship that are frustrating me. She does go out wheeling, fishing, boating, shooting (Not hunting, thats me time lol). And I love it, I wish I could spend more time with her. But I feel that she is immature with finances (as am I, to an extent) and keeping up with chores. I just want things to be "fair" within the relationship and around the house.
Get back to us in a few years. When she graduates, and makes more bank than you , she will probably be on this thread bitching about you. Let us know how that works out for you.
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Old 06-27-2013, 08:37 AM   #45
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Wow this thread blew up. Take it easy, it sounds like some people are taking this personally. I was just asking for a reality check and just wanted to vent, I got the check I needed and I talked to my wife and we got it squared away.

I appreciate everyones advice/opinions. Hey Chief, I'll take some of that popcorn now...
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Old 06-27-2013, 09:04 AM   #46
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good subject man, been there... had to come around to reality and accept that our life is our life. Its not about duties, its about working as hard as we can to get shit done, keep our kids safe and our home someone live-able without letting it get out of hand to become a safety risk. When your both working, you have to understand there will be piles. Period. Work with them, help sort shit out and do what you can when you can. Hometime isn't for relaxing until the work is done. And its up to everyone to pitch in and yet we still never get cought up.

A lot folks don't know this about me but I'll share something w/you. I am ordained, non-demoniational. I help marry friends and aquantences who may not be able to get married in they're own churches because of man made rules like them already living together. Or, she is Catholic and he is Lutheran so the church won't marry them.

Here is a snippet of what I said last weekend when marry'ing my latest couple. Take this to heart, it means everything and if either of you forget this, your bound to split up.

The heart of marriage is the taking of another person in that person's entirety, with the good times and the bad times, the sad moments, the happy ones and the taking of that person as a friend and companion for life. It is not something that just happens, a good marriage is created. In a good marriage, the little things are the big things. Do not take one another for granted. Do things for one another, not with the attitude that it is a duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy and giving. Develop the capacity to forgive and forget. Do not look for perfection in your partner and work together to create an atmosphere in which each of you can grow.

I'm not a religious person, religion is a man made set of terms that don't always fit what we're supposed to do. All religion aside, think of the principals in what I bolded up there. And I suggest each of you look inside yourselves.

If you really want to solve the problem, and I'm not saying this harshly and typing cannot show my sympathy so don't take this as harsh. Take it as a soft toned suggestion; Each time you feel upset about something related to her, bite your frikin tongue, keep your mouth shut and think about something you can do to better yourself.

After 18 years of battles with my wife and the last 10 of us finally getting along like we should, I realized that is was it took for us.
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Old 06-27-2013, 09:17 AM   #47
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I'm the new guy and was curious by this post. I read a bit of it and since I don't know anyone, I'm not going to say much...

...but it sounds like you're keeping score.

In my house, my wife is the bread-winner, BY FAR. What I mean by "far" is she literally makes AT LEAST eight times what I do. I've had some health issues for a long time which contribute to this, but she's stuck by me. I won't go into details, but the issues are severe enough it makes working full time very difficult. While I've had full time jobs in the past, I've caught a lot of flack from managers because I fail to disclose my health issues. I don't want their sympathy, and the odds are they wouldn't be sympathetic to the cause anyway. I've lost jobs because of it, been put on probation because of it, passed on promotions because of it, etc.

If I'm lucky, I may get 20 hours per week and I make $11/hr. My income last year was about $10,000. I probably made more than that 28 years ago when I was 11 years old and a paperboy.

I'm the "housewife," so to speak. Don't think for a minute that cleaning a house, doing the shopping, doing a laundry, and mowing the lawn aren't work, because they are. Whether I get paid for them or not, it is work, and damned hard work.

My wife and I are very fortunate to be in the financial position we're in. We don't spend frivolously but when we spend, we spend big. While I'm more of a "saver," she likes to spend. I kinda keep that in check and have to "remind" her that we need to save for that "rainy day." That's not to say I steal the credit cards and hide'em. She's the bread-winner, and TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, it is HER money. When she comes home with a bag full of shoes, I don't say a word about it. She earned that money and she has the right to buy things without consulting me about it first. As for me, I put gas in the Jeep. I don't spend.

In a marriage, everything is shared, and that includes your income. It's no longer your money. Be happy she's not a jerk. Unless you've really talked in depth about these issues, she's probably totally clueless and thinks everything's great in Wonderland. Instead of focusing on how much money you have for your Jeep build, focus on the life you share with your wife and how lucky you are to have someone who's a fantastic companion.
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:11 AM   #48
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Wow this thread blew up. Take it easy, it sounds like some people are taking this personally. I was just asking for a reality check and just wanted to vent, I got the check I needed and I talked to my wife and we got it squared away.

I appreciate everyones advice/opinions. Hey Chief, I'll take some of that popcorn now...
Hey CC - glad to hear ya'll got it worked out!

It really is the "little things" that tear apart relationships. Big things tend to blow up and you have no choice but to deal with them... but those darn little things chip away here... aw... no biggie, it's just a little thing. And another little chip here... aww nuts, oh well, it's just another little thing. And another chip here... dang it, why aren't they more careful with this, look at all the chips and dings! And before you know it, you have a pile of rubble.
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Old 06-27-2013, 11:19 AM   #49
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Wow this thread blew up. Take it easy, it sounds like some people are taking this personally. I was just asking for a reality check and just wanted to vent, I got the check I needed and I talked to my wife and we got it squared away.

I appreciate everyones advice/opinions. Hey Chief, I'll take some of that popcorn now...
You lit the fuse, hopefully you will figure out what marriage really is some day.
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:14 PM   #50
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You lit the fuse, hopefully you will figure out what marriage really is some day.

Yes and faceless people on the internet should tell him how they live their perfect lives.
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Old 06-27-2013, 03:37 PM   #51
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Perfect? Nowhere close.

Experience? Yes, quite a few of us have been down that road and have learned from our experiences. While they may or may not apply in his situation, he's been given perspectives that he may otherwise not have thought about.
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:01 PM   #52
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I dunno bout you, but im perfect.... /sarcasm
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:04 PM   #53
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Perfect? Nowhere closed.

Experience? Yes, quite a few of us have been down that road and have learned from our experiences. While they may or may not apply in his situation, he's been given perspectives that he may otherwise not have thought about.

And roundly criticized with little warrant.
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Old 06-27-2013, 04:06 PM   #54
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Marriage is not a competition. Do what you can for the marriage and she will do what she can. The most important part is that you both stay happy. Do not get caught up in who does more. Someday you may sit around in diapers while she wipes you.
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Old 06-27-2013, 06:28 PM   #55
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This thread makes me most happy that I am still single!
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Old 06-27-2013, 10:44 PM   #56
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I was in your camping group this last weekend and for what it worth it seemed like you guys were doing good together. Perfectly OK to vent, I did not do that enough on my way to screwing up my marriage. Which is why I won't offer any advice either. Good luck.
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Old 06-28-2013, 08:14 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by sevenservices View Post
good subject man, been there... had to come around to reality and accept that our life is our life. Its not about duties, its about working as hard as we can to get shit done, keep our kids safe and our home someone live-able without letting it get out of hand to become a safety risk. When your both working, you have to understand there will be piles. Period. Work with them, help sort shit out and do what you can when you can. Hometime isn't for relaxing until the work is done. And its up to everyone to pitch in and yet we still never get cought up.

A lot folks don't know this about me but I'll share something w/you. I am ordained, non-demoniational. I help marry friends and aquantences who may not be able to get married in they're own churches because of man made rules like them already living together. Or, she is Catholic and he is Lutheran so the church won't marry them.

Here is a snippet of what I said last weekend when marry'ing my latest couple. Take this to heart, it means everything and if either of you forget this, your bound to split up.

The heart of marriage is the taking of another person in that person's entirety, with the good times and the bad times, the sad moments, the happy ones and the taking of that person as a friend and companion for life. It is not something that just happens, a good marriage is created. In a good marriage, the little things are the big things. Do not take one another for granted. Do things for one another, not with the attitude that it is a duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy and giving. Develop the capacity to forgive and forget. Do not look for perfection in your partner and work together to create an atmosphere in which each of you can grow.

I'm not a religious person, religion is a man made set of terms that don't always fit what we're supposed to do. All religion aside, think of the principals in what I bolded up there. And I suggest each of you look inside yourselves.

If you really want to solve the problem, and I'm not saying this harshly and typing cannot show my sympathy so don't take this as harsh. Take it as a soft toned suggestion; Each time you feel upset about something related to her, bite your frikin tongue, keep your mouth shut and think about something you can do to better yourself.

After 18 years of battles with my wife and the last 10 of us finally getting along like we should, I realized that is was it took for us.
That is great advice, biting my tongue is definitely going to be a challenge, I am quite sarcastic and frequently voice my opinion. I am going to try this, i'll report back to ya (Probably in pm lol)

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Originally Posted by Wrangler Rubicon View Post
I'm the new guy and was curious by this post. I read a bit of it and since I don't know anyone, I'm not going to say much...

...but it sounds like you're keeping score.

In my house, my wife is the bread-winner, BY FAR. What I mean by "far" is she literally makes AT LEAST eight times what I do. I've had some health issues for a long time which contribute to this, but she's stuck by me. I won't go into details, but the issues are severe enough it makes working full time very difficult. While I've had full time jobs in the past, I've caught a lot of flack from managers because I fail to disclose my health issues. I don't want their sympathy, and the odds are they wouldn't be sympathetic to the cause anyway. I've lost jobs because of it, been put on probation because of it, passed on promotions because of it, etc.

If I'm lucky, I may get 20 hours per week and I make $11/hr. My income last year was about $10,000. I probably made more than that 28 years ago when I was 11 years old and a paperboy.

I'm the "housewife," so to speak. Don't think for a minute that cleaning a house, doing the shopping, doing a laundry, and mowing the lawn aren't work, because they are. Whether I get paid for them or not, it is work, and damned hard work.

My wife and I are very fortunate to be in the financial position we're in. We don't spend frivolously but when we spend, we spend big. While I'm more of a "saver," she likes to spend. I kinda keep that in check and have to "remind" her that we need to save for that "rainy day." That's not to say I steal the credit cards and hide'em. She's the bread-winner, and TECHNICALLY SPEAKING, it is HER money. When she comes home with a bag full of shoes, I don't say a word about it. She earned that money and she has the right to buy things without consulting me about it first. As for me, I put gas in the Jeep. I don't spend.

In a marriage, everything is shared, and that includes your income. It's no longer your money. Be happy she's not a jerk. Unless you've really talked in depth about these issues, she's probably totally clueless and thinks everything's great in Wonderland. Instead of focusing on how much money you have for your Jeep build, focus on the life you share with your wife and how lucky you are to have someone who's a fantastic companion.
First, I am amazed that your first post on this awesome board, full of knowledge and help was on my thread. Question, did you create an account just to reply? I'm just curious.

Second, It does put things in to perspective. I am not trying to "keep score" but rather feel that things are even. I'm not keeping tally on the regular, it just kinda happens when I get irritated over things, ya know? Thanks for the advice, man.

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Originally Posted by ztman View Post
You lit the fuse, hopefully you will figure out what marriage really is some day.
Wow, this is probably the most useless, trolling, unhelpful post in this whole thread. Well done.

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Originally Posted by n00g7 View Post
Yes and faceless people on the internet should tell him how they live their perfect lives.
I caught your sarcasm... lol

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Originally Posted by erickpl View Post
Perfect? Nowhere close.

Experience? Yes, quite a few of us have been down that road and have learned from our experiences. While they may or may not apply in his situation, he's been given perspectives that he may otherwise not have thought about.
THIS! Is the point of this thread. Thank you, sir.

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This thread makes me most happy that I am still single!
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Originally Posted by jquinn83 View Post
I was in your camping group this last weekend and for what it worth it seemed like you guys were doing good together. Perfectly OK to vent, I did not do that enough on my way to screwing up my marriage. Which is why I won't offer any advice either. Good luck.
We do great, especially outside the house. She is my best friend and I love her to death. Which one were you?
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Old 06-28-2013, 08:26 AM   #58
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a couple of things I've learned after 12 years of marriage - never keep score on things - whether it be household tasks, or money or whatever. Sometimes you got to just go with the flow and enjoy what you have. All the other crap really is water under the bridge. The only way things will be or feel even is to really not think about it. I work - my wife stays home with the kids. They wake up crying at night - she gets them. That's worth a ton to me. If I come home and need to straighten up a bit, no big deal. Takes me a couple of hours a week to do lawn work (could hire someone, but that's a couple out of the house of screaming kids). I get some wrench and seat time every once in a while - it's all good.
Biting your tongue if something is really eating can sometimes be destructive - sometimes it's best to constructively get things off your chest before it explodes into something else worse. I know that my wife (and probably most) is not a mind reader.
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Old 06-28-2013, 09:56 AM   #59
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Originally Posted by n00g7 View Post
And roundly criticized with little warrant.
If you reread what many have said, many of us did not criticize but relayed what we've learned. I did not and cannot criticize him based on what he posted. His perspective may not match mine - that's fine. After having been in horrible first marriage, I've found things that have worked well for my second one - which will be 16 years this year.

If you feel we are all criticizing, perhaps there is something you feel is being directed towards you or your relationship, if you have one. I/We cannot help that.

The OP had come here seeking advice, and he got it, and probably a lot more. Based on his recent posts, it sounds like he worked through it. That's great to hear.

There are always people on forums that want to take a negative view of a post or a thread. I've seen it WAY too many times on a wide variety of forums. Life is way too short to go around negative all the time. Get out, drive the Jeep, get some dirt on it, and have some fun and smile.
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:11 AM   #60
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If you reread what many have said, many of us did not criticize but relayed what we've learned. I did not and cannot criticize him based on what he posted. His perspective may not match mine - that's fine. After having been in horrible first marriage, I've found things that have worked well for my second one - which will be 16 years this year.

If you feel we are all criticizing, perhaps there is something you feel is being directed towards you or your relationship, if you have one. I/We cannot help that.
I simply meant to add (to the person I replied to) that, in addition to those providing advice in a reasonable fashion, there were also people just high on their horse.

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