What I Learned from E-Mails - Jeep Wrangler Forum
Jeep Wrangler Forum

Go Back   Jeep Wrangler Forum > General Discussion Forums > Off-Topic

Join Wrangler Forum Today


Reply
 
Thread Tools

Please support our sponsors and let them know you heard about them on WranglerForum.com
Old 04-07-2008, 06:56 PM   #1
Pushy, Loudmouthed, and Ballsy
 
Dare2BSquare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Driving Around Arkansas In My Black XJ
Posts: 6,177
What I Learned from E-Mails

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose. (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot )

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Everything happens for a reason....

__________________
99 XJ Sport
4.0l
AW4
NP231
d30/C8.25
3" Skyjacker lift
31 x 10.50 General Grabbers


http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...are/TMLogo.gif Are all fishermen liars, or do only liars fish?
Dare2BSquare is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 07:03 PM   #2
Jeeper
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: columbus
Posts: 2,151
Send a message via AIM to rebelBullDawg325
dangit. that last part owned me

rebelBullDawg325 is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 07:08 PM   #3
In a trailer in the woods

WF Supporting Member
 
Barrie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Greater downtown Brownsville,Kentucky
Posts: 39,957
Send a message via AIM to Barrie Send a message via Yahoo to Barrie
Got me on the last part.
__________________
2006 Unlimited Soft Top


Skillfully disguised as a responsible adult


Barrie is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 07:08 PM   #4
Jeeper
 
debruins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Needham Ma, Rangeley ME in the summer
Posts: 5,578
Send a message via AIM to debruins
hahah my hand was on the mouse haha
debruins is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 08:05 PM   #5
Jeeper
 
JCS05Rubi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: central md
Posts: 2,748
mine was on my down arrow! I WIN!! MUAHAHAHHA
__________________
Dad's Blog! http://justkeepliving.blog.com/
T-Shirts for Dad, based on his "Just Keep Living" philosophy. http://www.cafepress.com/justkeepliving


1997 Wrangler Sport - 5 spd. Retired
2005 Wrangler Rubicon - 6spd|KC 55watt fogs, IPF H4s with fatboys,Uniden CB radio/Teraflex mount
http://www.4x4s-pod.com/
JCS05Rubi is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 08:21 PM   #6
Pushy, Loudmouthed, and Ballsy
 
Dare2BSquare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Driving Around Arkansas In My Black XJ
Posts: 6,177
In your case there are other indications of insufficient brain activity.
__________________
99 XJ Sport
4.0l
AW4
NP231
d30/C8.25
3" Skyjacker lift
31 x 10.50 General Grabbers


http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...are/TMLogo.gif Are all fishermen liars, or do only liars fish?
Dare2BSquare is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 09:01 PM   #7
Really?

WF Lifetime Member
 
ccain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SoCal
Posts: 6,453
Images: 9
Well... I learned from email:

I can buy a Rolex watch super cheap!

I can get medications without a prescription!

And...

A relative died "Mr. Robert Cain" from heart related issues stemming from the loss of his family in a plane crash in Bahrain. If I give Mr Lee (an attorney with a Yahoo email address) my account numbers, he will transfer the money from his estate (in the tune of 15 million bucks) from the South African Bank into my account. Sweet! I'm rich!!!
ccain is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 11:01 PM   #8
Jeeper
 
Levinoss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Jeffersontown
Posts: 5,540
I had my hand on the down arrow.

~Lev
__________________

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the "present."
Levinoss is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-07-2008, 11:35 PM   #9
Jeeper
 
RatherBNarizona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 12,283
I don't drink Coke for that reason
I just can't tell myself to do it
well I don't drink Soda period, but if I did, I def. wouldn't drink Coke!
RatherBNarizona is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-08-2008, 10:58 AM   #10
Jeeper
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 78
I win. This ain't an email.
Unheroic Hero is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-08-2008, 11:04 AM   #11
Pushy, Loudmouthed, and Ballsy
 
Dare2BSquare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Driving Around Arkansas In My Black XJ
Posts: 6,177
It's not a competition either.
__________________
99 XJ Sport
4.0l
AW4
NP231
d30/C8.25
3" Skyjacker lift
31 x 10.50 General Grabbers


http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...are/TMLogo.gif Are all fishermen liars, or do only liars fish?
Dare2BSquare is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-08-2008, 05:40 PM   #12
Jeeper
 
parrot head's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 406
I just won the Austailian Lottery woooooohooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!1
__________________
“He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, he is a fool, shun him.
He who knows not and knows he knows not, he is simple, teach him.
He who knows and knows not he knows, he is asleep, wake him.
But he who knows, and knows he knows, he is wise, follow him.”


89 yj 4 banger 5sp. 2" BL 31x10.50 fixed up and sold
97 tj 4.0 Auto 4"RC lift 33x12.50 mud rovers on outlaw IIs . Smitty bumpers
parrot head is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Old 04-08-2008, 10:08 PM   #13
Jeeper
 
Tj Bunch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 944
Does the touch pad qualify as a mouse......?

__________________
[2001 Wrangler 2.5 New Bumper and 2" BB-31x10.50-15 General AT2 on Soft 8 Steel Rims....
http://www.myjeepspace.com/TJ_BUNCH
Fresno Ca


Tj Bunch is offline   Quote Quick Reply
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Jeep Wrangler Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What I've Learned From Living in Arkansas... Dare2BSquare Off-Topic 10 05-16-2008 10:50 AM
What I learned from my Mom amy Off-Topic 3 03-14-2008 08:20 PM


logo carid shop wrangler parts carid fender flares custom wheels store avs deflectors at carid
» Rates
Get low rates on auto insurance in Canada!

» Network Links
»Jeep Parts
» Featured Product

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:27 AM.



Jeep®, Wrangler, Liberty, Wagoneer, Cherokee, and Grand Cherokee are copyrighted and trademarked to Chrysler Motors LLC.
Wranglerforum.com is not in any way associated with the Chrysler Motors LLC