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Old 11-29-2007, 12:00 PM   #1
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Workplace Vocabulary

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New Words for the Workplace Vocabulary

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton's Grand Jury testimony is another.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

WOOFies - Well Off Older Folk.

Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "I dunno, ask Rick. He's our alpha geek."

Batmobiling: putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting armor that covers the Batmobile as in "she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling"

Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid- sentence.

Blowing Your Buffer: Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my buffer!" (Synonym: "Head Crash")

Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Bookmark: To take note of a person for future reference. "After seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him."

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Chip Jewelry: Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decoration. "I paid three grand for that Mac and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."

Chips and Salsa: Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "First we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

CLM (Career Limiting Move)- Used by microserfs to describe an ill- advised activity. "Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM."

Cobweb: A WWW site that never changes.

Yuppie Food Coupons: Twenty dollar bills from an ATM

World wide wait: The real meaning of WWW

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Old 11-29-2007, 03:35 PM   #2
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there somehwat funny

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Old 11-29-2007, 03:52 PM   #3
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A few of those have given me a name for the shiz that goes on up here...
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Old 11-29-2007, 04:09 PM   #4
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I'm not allowed to say, so shhhh!...but some of those fit quite well here in the business office of the VA. So many people who are way past retirement time.
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Old 11-29-2007, 05:19 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by debruins View Post
there somehwat funny
Well, I would expect that from someone who has never experienced working in an office...
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http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h2...are/TMLogo.gif Are all fishermen liars, or do only liars fish?
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Old 11-29-2007, 07:50 PM   #6
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Well, I would expect that from someone who has never experienced working ...
fixed it for ya!!
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And the most important safety, I never put my booger hook on the bang switch unless I'm ready to fire.
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Old 11-29-2007, 08:24 PM   #7
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Thank God I've never had to work in an office. Only a classroom where I teach. That's bad enough!

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