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Topic Review (Newest First)
06-21-2013 09:11 PM
JGreen06TJ I posted on here a few weeks before mine was final (June 5th). While it may seem like the end of the world to you now and you want to do whatever you can to make things better, sometimes there just isn't anything that can be done and one person trying to make it work will never get the job done if the other has already moved on. Not saying you shouldn't have a serious conversation and see if there's a chance to work things out, but don't lose yourself or get stuck in what might have been.

Despite having been separated for an extended period of time, the actual court proceeding was gut wrenching for both of us even though it only lasted 10-15 minutes. Lots of emotions at the end of 12 years together. But, its only been final two weeks and it just struck me yesterday that there is a night and day difference in the stress in my life. I wavered many times over whether or not this was the right path but in the end I think it was the only path for us.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. The stress will eat you up if you let it.
06-14-2013 10:00 AM
Senior Chief
Quote:
Originally Posted by PecosRiver View Post
Seeing too much of this lately. Two of my closest friends are in the same boat listed here, wives telling them they're leaving. One fell outta love with my friend and the other fell in love with her kitchen assistant and decided she was gay. I guess marriage is a disposable commodity these days too.
Yep. Too damn easy to quit and take your toys home...
06-14-2013 09:46 AM
PecosRiver Seeing too much of this lately. Two of my closest friends are in the same boat listed here, wives telling them they're leaving. One fell outta love with my friend and the other fell in love with her kitchen assistant and decided she was gay. I guess marriage is a disposable commodity these days too.
06-14-2013 09:30 AM
Senior Chief
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wranglin4Life View Post
Sorry to hear about this man. Best of luck with everything!
Thanks... Never felt more grateful for having done my "20" in the military. I've got a bit of income and medical, so even if this torpedoes my finances, it won't sink me...
06-13-2013 09:29 PM
Wranglin4Life Sorry to hear about this man. Best of luck with everything!
06-13-2013 04:01 PM
Senior Chief
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimbot View Post
Still hit the legal office if you got a Navy Base nearby. They won't be able to represent you, but should be able to let you know what steps you should be taking right now.
Good advice indeed. No Navy base close by, but fortunately I have a few attorneys at the cigar bar I frequent. None old timer who's been practicing for 40 years said he'd walk me through.
06-13-2013 03:56 PM
jimbot Still hit the legal office if you got a Navy Base nearby. They won't be able to represent you, but should be able to let you know what steps you should be taking right now.
06-13-2013 03:47 PM
Senior Chief
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimbot View Post
That's a real bummer Senior Chief. You better hit the legal office ASAP. Your retirement is in jeopardy. You could end up with less than 50% of what you were expecting. It all depends on how long she's been a Navy wife.
I actually retired in 2005 after 23 years and met her in the civvy world. Appreciate the kind words. Hopefully this thread won't jinx anyone else...
06-13-2013 03:41 PM
jimbot
Quote:
Originally Posted by Senior Chief View Post
Can't believe the irony. My marriage tanked just yesterday. Wife said she'd had enough, she'd already planned her trip and is en route to New York as I type.

Right out of the blue....

Then I look and spot this thread
That's a real bummer Senior Chief. You better hit the legal office ASAP. Your retirement is in jeopardy. You could end up with less than 50% of what you were expecting. It all depends on how long she's been a Navy wife.
06-13-2013 03:15 PM
Senior Chief Can't believe the irony. My marriage tanked just yesterday. Wife said she'd had enough, she'd already planned her trip and is en route to New York as I type.

Right out of the blue....

Then I look and spot this thread
06-13-2013 10:08 AM
Anaconda
Quote:
Originally Posted by erickpl View Post
What's your name on CF?

XPLOCIV, had this on my license plate as well.

XPLOCIV (Fast C4)
06-13-2013 09:33 AM
KC_Hawker
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpoiledRotten View Post
I don't know how long you've been married but if its been several years, keep yourself from jumping right into another relationship. You will be very vulnerable. If you don't understand what I'm saying, get some you trust to explain it.
I know this was said, but most seem to overlook it and think, nah it will never happen to me.

It can and will... from personal experience
06-13-2013 09:16 AM
erickpl What's your name on CF?
06-13-2013 07:27 AM
Anaconda Wow, this sure isn't like the Corvette forum.

First response there would have been.

"Please post pics of your soon to be ex wife." Um, got any?

Anyway, yes it sucks, yes life goes on and you will survive it. Been there done that. Married and then divorced with no kids.
Found a great lady and I am married 14 years now with two great kids and things are good.

A guy three houses down from me, 50 years old, two kids and he caught his wife cheating. She is now gone to two kids are late teens seem to be doing well and from my friend. I've never seen him with a bigger smile on his face.

As the saying goes, he is getting more a$$ then a toilet seat.

The sun will shine again my friend. Trust me it will. Stay strong and hang around some good friends. They will help you.
06-06-2013 11:22 AM
erickpl I married my high school sweetheart too. While in an ideal world that is great, reality has a nasty way of getting in the way. Both of you have missed out on some aspects of life that you won't get back. Not that these are big deals, but they are experiences that help shape you, strengthen you, and enrich you.

Dating others in college.
College parties with members of the opposite sex.
Parties.
Socializing.

As a result of me being with my high school girl, I missed out on that stuff (though I had been asked, I was a good guy and stayed faithful). Part of the process teaches you what you can and cannot put up with in a relationship. Instead, I learned that DURING the relationship.

We were headed into a dark place for a variety of reasons, but it turned out that I was bad for her and she was bad for me. Neither of us was perfect, but when only one side wants to change things, it just won't happen.

I remarried a few years later and I KNOW I'm with my best friend now. We both know what we won't tolerate in a relationship and don't let each other get away with that kind of BS that plagued both of our first marriages.

My suggestion to you is this: While you may want to make things work, if she's going to be a brick wall, she either has somebody else or just wants something else besides you. You cannot fix that which does not or cannot be fixed. That has to come from her. Be prepared by following the advice posted above and be ready to move on with your life. Do not worry about bringing her down or making her life miserable. Her happiness is 100% up to her, just as your happiness is 100% your responsibility.

Focus on things that will make you happy, whether it is a new Jeep or Jeep mods, taking time off, reconnecting with old friends, or making new ones. Make your life what YOU want it to be, but just be ready to do it without her. Make time to explore those things in life you didn't get a chance to do earlier. New hobbies can mean new friends and new adventures and you may just find that partner you're looking for.

Best of luck to BOTH of you. I hope things work out, but regardless of that, I hope both of you find the happiness and peace you seek.
05-18-2013 09:33 PM
JGreen06TJ Mine should be final in a couple weeks. We stayed together for a couple years (seems crazy now) after mutually agreeing it was over. Intent was to get the house sold and settle up some bills so we could both move forward free and clear. During that time I frequently contemplated reconciliation for the kids sake but it wasn't to be. Three times in the week leading up to signing the papers in the attorneys office she said she didn't want the divorce but never once said she wanted to work on things. BTW, she's been living with someone for 3 months now. I shouldn't lump all exes together but sincerely believe they will play you for the fool every chance you give them. I have been way too accomodating over the last couple years to the point of losing self-respect. Once I woke up to that fact getting the papers drawn up was simple. Even if you have nothing to fight over please go talk to an attorney and get some options. You may decide to work things out, you may decide not to, but the attorney should give you some good advice.
05-18-2013 03:47 PM
Tdog02 I'm sorry for your loss. I know the pain, don't get hung up on the why... it honestly will not change anything. I waited two years before I seriously dated and when I found the one, we dated 3 years to make certain it wasn't a rush. Take time to put it behind you, it gets better. 20 yrs later I am confident in that statement.
05-18-2013 03:10 PM
Carlsbad0331 First and foremost I am sorry that you are going through this. I have gone through two divorces. The first was a living nightmare and the second was very simple and painless. If you and your wife can remain cordial, fair and understanding there is no reason that you cannot get this done with little to no pain/suffering.
Regardless of the final outcome, do not rush in to another relationship. It is much better to rent by the hour/evening than to jump in to another relationship!
05-18-2013 06:47 AM
DBoat you have been given some good advice in the prior posts, so I dont have to repeat it.
Remember, 50% of first marriages end in divorce. 75% of second marriages end in divorce. The reason that the number goes up is because we tend to marry someone just like the first one and think there will be a different outcome.
I broke that mold and lived with my second wife for 5 years prior to getting married to her 12 years ago. I couldnt be happier. We have a great marriage and wish this could have been my first one.
you dont have kids, so no reason to re-visit her after its done. I didnt and I moved on. I was the one that called it off. Also, once a women is done with you, she is done with you. dont waste time trying to make it work. it wont.
I do wish you the very best.. in a year, come back and post how its going.
04-30-2013 10:27 PM
WatchThis! When my ex left I thought it was the end of the world. She took all but 648 bucks and left me with 25k in credit card dept. She tried to tell a lot of people that I was doing horrible things to her daughter, but it didn't take long for her to be proven wrong and look like a fool.

Now its 4, 5, hell maybe only 3 years later and I have come to realise it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I have my daughter every day that I am off, (6months a year) have slept with several of her friends that I allways thought were hotter then she was, and she has turned into white trash hanging out with people who are proud to call themselfs white trash. I make sure my daughter is well taken care of but could care less what her mother does with her life.

I guess my whole point is you are better off without someone who does not want to %100 be with you. I have went out of my way to stay single for the most part and am living it up. It takes a bad one to make you realize what you want in the next one to settle down with.

Be picky as hell this time
04-30-2013 09:25 PM
Lbear
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikemounlio View Post
We have talked things out. Her being the love of my life im going to fight as long as i can. She is now staying with her mom for a couple of weeks. We are still talking daily.

She understands that im a very nice guy and that my love for her is real and extremely strong. She will return in a few weeks and we will give it another shot. If we cant make it work we will part ways. We already talked about what would happen if we split. Due to her being simple she does not want a fight. She is willing to let me keep everything but her car and clothes. If shes done she just wants out and not stuff.
If you guys aren't in counseling, you should be if the budget will allow. Make sure it is someone highly recommended, not some pretender. It's amazing what that process will produce. You will get clarity and a much better chance of a good outcome whichever way it goes.

Been there, done that. The thing that kept me going was telling myself, when it got real dark, "This too will pass." And it did.You have a support group right here. Hang in there and good luck.
04-30-2013 09:13 PM
Pennsyman
Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyT View Post
Sorry Mike.

I also married my highschool sweetheart. We had very good times together, and were the couple every couple was jealous over. For some reason I have yet to understand, she left me too. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND what you are going through, I've been there. So please, you will not agree with what I have to say but please take my advise. You are not thinking straight right now due to emotions and will thank me in a year or two.

1) Get a lawyer. Even if things are alright, get a lawyer. Military? Get to the lawyer on base before she does. They can only represent one side. Why? Lets the law replace emotions. When things turn sour and you need to file papers, you need to have the loopholes closed. She "says" you can have the money/vehicles/house/dog, but it means s$!t without paper. A good lawyer will listen to what you want to do, and not push litigation. Litigation is expensive, and the only winners are the lawyers.

2) Move on. You'll thank her in a couple of years. It won't be easy and it won't be quick, but I know many divorced people, and every single one of them are much happier now, and they all thought they initially married their perfect girl.

3) Do something for you. Talk to your boss. Tell him or her that you have huge stress at work, and need to take 2-4 weeks off to recover. Then pack up the jeep or whatever, and go to moab or something. I spent 30 days on a motorcycle after mine. Awesome.

4) Live life better without her than you did with her. It's really the best revenge. Ignore all advise that say "F$%& her best friend or sister". Getting her mad at you only justifies her leaving. I saw my ex a couple months after we split. She said "she wishes we gave it more effort". Felt good. Get a gym membership, go on a diet, pick up a new hobby.

5) A x2 to rubicondon. Move on. Being friends after a divorce really only works if the love went out on both sides. They will be too much emotion for you judging on your previous posts. When she wants to "be friends", all that means is she moves on and feels guilt-free, while you suffer. Just tell her it's too tough and rather go about your own ways.

6) Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Alcohol is a depressant. All this does for you is send you down a bad road. You're better than that.

7) Go back to step 1 because I know you skipped it. Seriously. Best couple grand I ever spent. No litigation or anything, but peace of mind and someone thinking big picture for me while I dealed with my emotion.
Very sage advice...nicely put.
04-30-2013 08:20 AM
CrazyT Sorry Mike.

I also married my highschool sweetheart. We had very good times together, and were the couple every couple was jealous over. For some reason I have yet to understand, she left me too. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND what you are going through, I've been there. So please, you will not agree with what I have to say but please take my advise. You are not thinking straight right now due to emotions and will thank me in a year or two.

1) Get a lawyer. Even if things are alright, get a lawyer. Military? Get to the lawyer on base before she does. They can only represent one side. Why? Lets the law replace emotions. When things turn sour and you need to file papers, you need to have the loopholes closed. She "says" you can have the money/vehicles/house/dog, but it means s$!t without paper. A good lawyer will listen to what you want to do, and not push litigation. Litigation is expensive, and the only winners are the lawyers.

2) Move on. You'll thank her in a couple of years. It won't be easy and it won't be quick, but I know many divorced people, and every single one of them are much happier now, and they all thought they initially married their perfect girl.

3) Do something for you. Talk to your boss. Tell him or her that you have huge stress at work, and need to take 2-4 weeks off to recover. Then pack up the jeep or whatever, and go to moab or something. I spent 30 days on a motorcycle after mine. Awesome.

4) Live life better without her than you did with her. It's really the best revenge. Ignore all advise that say "F$%& her best friend or sister". Getting her mad at you only justifies her leaving. I saw my ex a couple months after we split. She said "she wishes we gave it more effort". Felt good. Get a gym membership, go on a diet, pick up a new hobby.

5) A x2 to rubicondon. Move on. Being friends after a divorce really only works if the love went out on both sides. They will be too much emotion for you judging on your previous posts. When she wants to "be friends", all that means is she moves on and feels guilt-free, while you suffer. Just tell her it's too tough and rather go about your own ways.

6) Stay away from alcohol and drugs. Alcohol is a depressant. All this does for you is send you down a bad road. You're better than that.

7) Go back to step 1 because I know you skipped it. Seriously. Best couple grand I ever spent. No litigation or anything, but peace of mind and someone thinking big picture for me while I dealed with my emotion.
04-30-2013 07:55 AM
mikemounlio We have talked things out. Her being the love of my life im going to fight as long as i can. She is now staying with her mom for a couple of weeks. We are still talking daily.

She understands that im a very nice guy and that my love for her is real and extremely strong. She will return in a few weeks and we will give it another shot. If we cant make it work we will part ways. We already talked about what would happen if we split. Due to her being simple she does not want a fight. She is willing to let me keep everything but her car and clothes. If shes done she just wants out and not stuff.
04-27-2013 02:27 PM
Chili99 BTDT lost the t-shirt

seriously....it sucks to go through it but I am a happier person now...with a girl I really love we have lots of fun together much more in common etc etc....the EX said I would never leave due to "the money" ...she was wrong....I walked on the big house, triple digit income and all that happy horsesh*t......all those things are nice but if you are not happy or things aren't right all the money and nice stuff in the world won't fix that.

Good luck
04-27-2013 05:21 AM
Rubicondon53
??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SHADYDC View Post
hate to hear that. hopefully it will not be a nasty divorce and you 2 can remain on good terms with each other
Sorry dude,, that is pie in the sky thinking. All women that want a divorce want us to think that way, and only idiots buy into the manipulation. There is no such thing as an easy divorce, they are never clean, and to think any one coming out of a divorce will be on "good terms" is dreaming.

To the OP,,,,, sorry to hear it friend, been there done that, DO NOT let her take advantage of you with manipulation, ie ( can't we stay friends?) She is not your friend, friends do not shit upon your hopes and dreams.. She is your ex-wife, it is tough I know, my ex shit all over me cause I fell for all her BS, about being friends and making it easy.... IT IS NOT EASY,,, IT F-ING SUCKS, just remember, she is your EX... If you allow her to make it "easy" then you my friend will never get over her, and she will be in control.. Don't be a dick to her, no need for rudeness or nastiness, but dont buy into this crap of remaining friends.
I went through it 26 years ago, I felt like I was going to die, hit bottom. 3 months later I was back to my normal self, chasing hot young women !! A friend asked me how I got over it all so quickly? Once I hit my emotional bottom, I realized, "hey this has been a shitty marriage now for 8 of the last ten years, and I am relieved that I no longer have to work so hard, banging my head against the wall, trying to make something work that shouldn't have been." It was a lot like having a poop cramp,, It hurts like hell, then you finally go poop, ah relief,, flush it down the toilet, and its gone. Good luck friend, I hope you have some strong support so when your bottom comes, (and bottom out you must, as it is a cleansing of your soul, and a cleansing of your bad relationship..) you'll have some help to crawl up and out of the hole. Good luck
04-26-2013 08:52 PM
Pennsyman
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikemounlio View Post
Man this sucks. My wife, my love, my high school crush is leaving me. She loves me but is unhappy. We have had our problems but nothing to bad. She doesnt get that it takes work to make a relationship work. I have been busting my back trying to do the right things by her only to meet by a brick wall.

Im sure the divorce is for the best but man does it suck. I like my parents wanted to keep trying and find a way to make it work. Guess love and marriage really is a thing of the past.
Sorry to hear that....but at the risk of sounding too sappy, always remember that everything happens for a reason in life, and for every door that closes a window opens. This part of your life is over, and you will start a new phase. One never knows what tomorrow may bring...perhaps the very best is yet to come! Hang in there, forge ahead, and you will see that it will work out.
04-26-2013 02:21 PM
Harleyrider1108
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpoiledRotten View Post
keep yourself from jumping right into another relationship. You will be very vulnerable. If you don't understand what I'm saying, get some you trust to explain it.
This x10
04-26-2013 01:51 PM
SHADYDC hate to hear that. hopefully it will not be a nasty divorce and you 2 can remain on good terms with each other
04-26-2013 12:16 PM
SpoiledRotten I don't know how long you've been married but if its been several years, keep yourself from jumping right into another relationship. You will be very vulnerable. If you don't understand what I'm saying, get some you trust to explain it.
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