Jeep Wrangler Forum - Reply to Topic
Jeep Wrangler Forum

Go Back   Jeep Wrangler Forum > General Discussion Forums > Off-Topic > George Carlins "New Rules for 2008"

Join Wrangler Forum Today


Thread: George Carlins "New Rules for 2008" Reply to Thread
Title:
  
Message:
Post Icons
You may choose an icon for your message from the following list:
 

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Jeep Wrangler Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Additional Options
Miscellaneous Options

Topic Review (Newest First)
01-24-2008 05:32 PM
Levinoss
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scout View Post
I like the one about being the cashier. I went to WalMart yesterday and foolishly used the self checkout. Little did I know you have to be 21 and have government clearance to buy ScotchGuard. Needless to say I stood there for over 5 minutes waiting while "APPROVAL NEEDED...APPROVAL NEEDED...APPROVAL NEEDED" was chiming away.
LMAO

I remember when I bought some spray paint for a project in science class my junior year the guy at the cashier gave me a really nasty look and looked me up and down before he scanned the cans.

I got a rule

"Dont stick the guy with a broken arm to be the cashier in the "10 items or less" lane"

Express lane at the store I shopped at in Arlington was slower then the NORMAL LANES.

~Lev
01-24-2008 05:26 PM
Scout I like the one about being the cashier. I went to WalMart yesterday and foolishly used the self checkout. Little did I know you have to be 21 and have government clearance to buy ScotchGuard. Needless to say I stood there for over 5 minutes waiting while "APPROVAL NEEDED...APPROVAL NEEDED...APPROVAL NEEDED" was chiming away.
01-24-2008 05:20 PM
SPDSNYPR Ha ha - love 'em.
01-24-2008 04:07 PM
Levinoss
Quote:
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know he is '27 Months'. 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
Seriously what is up with that?

Quote:
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky little bastards.
What ever happened to hot for teacher?

~Lev
01-24-2008 03:59 PM
Scout
George Carlins "New Rules for 2008"

From an email I received earlier today:



George Carlin's 'New Rules for 2008'

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com. There's a reason you don't talk to classmates for 25 or 30 years - you don't particularly like them. Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days. He's mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out of a window unless you are a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it costs less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain, Caviar?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blond teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky little bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and still collect baseball cards you are a dope. If you are a kid, the cards are a keepsake of your idols. If you are a grown man they are pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: there is no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of that crap at the supermarket, but without the watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. By the time grandpa figures out how to open it his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: I am not the cashier! By the time I look up from figuring out which way to slide my card, entering my verifying PIN number, finding and pressing enter, pressing the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back and pressing enter again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my candy bar.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to 'chicken with broccoli'. The last time you did anything spiritual you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're just high. You're not spiritual.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport, its one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching celebrities playing poker was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh no wait. They're already doing that. It called the 'Howard Stern Show.'

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M & M. If I'm extra hungry I'll go nuts and eat two M & M's.

New Rule: If you are going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you'll have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie in the first place.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for new homes and babies and graduations and getting out of rehab. Picking out stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's white people's version of looting.

New Rule: (and this one is long overdue) No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there or just some freak with a fetish. I just want to wash my hands. I don't want to be on your web cam dude.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know he is '27 Months'. 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and you want a job that pays more than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce and tattoo every available piece of flesh. If you do so, plan your future around saying 'Do you want fries with that?'

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:45 PM.



Jeep®, Wrangler, Liberty, Wagoneer, Cherokee, and Grand Cherokee are copyrighted and trademarked to Chrysler Motors LLC.
Wranglerforum.com is not in any way associated with the Chrysler Motors LLC