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Topic Review (Newest First)
04-16-2010 06:01 PM
T-BONE N BIXBY Yes SPDNJOE, that's why I commented again, a couple replies later......I realized I left out the part about pouring in the new oil.
That part was at least 2 more brewski's!!! HA!
04-16-2010 06:00 PM
NVRDLMO On a side note, when did oil reach $5.00 a qt ??? I say NUKE Saudi arabia.
04-16-2010 05:49 PM
SPDNJOE I got a little scared when TBONE said "Buttoned everything back up, backed out of the garage". I thought he forgot to put in any oil and then realized it.
04-16-2010 04:07 PM
Hexxum
Quote:
Originally Posted by nater344 View Post
Oil change instructions for Women :

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $25.00 < B R>
Coffee $1.00

Total $26..00


Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack sta nds under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot o il: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Thr ow kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
& nbsp; oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money sp ent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00

Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

Technically from Step 19, when you go back to Step 11, you would have to dig through the well hidden oil to find the drain plug.
04-16-2010 02:57 PM
sdbryant
Quote:
Originally Posted by T-BONE N BIXBY View Post
First off, I couldn't find my oil drain container. (the kind with the lid)
Ran to the store, bought a cheap open top plastic pan.
Got home and let the engine cool. Drank a beer.
Crawled under and drained the pan. Drank a beer.
Popped the hood, slid the filter wrench over the filter (here's where it gets good) The wrench slipped off the filter and out of my hands and under the jeep, right next to the open top container full of oil. I thought to myself..."that would have sucked had it went into that pan...I think I better have a another beer.
Slipped the wrench back over the filter, and it came off again and out of my hands and this time INTO THE OIL PAN!!! Small bit of oil on the garage floor. Drank a beer.
Fished out the wrench, wiped it off and figured 3rd time is the charm. Drank a beer.
Unscrewed the filter, and IT SLIPPED OUT OF MY HAND and directly into the....you guessed it, the cheap, open top oil pan. An extremely large amount of oil on the garage floor now. Drank 2 beers.
Buttoned everything back up, backed out of the garage, and only had about half the floor dry I needed to soak up the mess. Drank another beer.
Scooped up some sand/dirt from around our pool, threw it down on the oil and got it cleaned up the best I could. Drank a beer.
Took my 5qt empty jug of Valvoline Max, positioned it between 2 blocks of wood, placed a funnel in the opening, and poured the used oil back into the jug. Spilled a good portion out in the gravel drive. Drank a beer.
Wiped my hands off, flipped off the jeep, drank another beer, and went inside the house to re-evaluate my performance. (as I drank another beer)
I'm competent enough to change the oil in my jeep without getting a speck of oil on me, but after re-evaluating my performance this time, I think I need to......get a new oil drain pan!!!
Thanks for listening.
Man, if that were me and 13 beers later, I would have woke up the next day under my jeep with a mean hangover, oil on my face and wondering how I ended up under the jeep I cant imagine how many beers it would have taken you to do a tune up.....
04-16-2010 02:12 PM
T-BONE N BIXBY Toshpate, it just started raining here in Tulsa about an hour ago. I am officially leaving my hardtop hanging from the garage ceiling until fall. No matter how wet it gets or cold it gets.....I'll just have to wear my carharts and put a tarp over my seat!!!!
04-16-2010 01:27 PM
toshpate hee hee everything is better with beer..may just drink a beer while putting the top back on since rain is coming to oklahoma
04-16-2010 12:51 PM
woodsballnc
Quote:
Originally Posted by nater344 View Post
Oil change instructions for Women :

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $25.00 < B R>
Coffee $1.00

Total $26..00


Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack sta nds under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot o il: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Thr ow kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
& nbsp; oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money sp ent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00

Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!
That really made my day I laughed so hard I started crying.
04-16-2010 12:44 PM
renegadewarrior Hey T-bone it could have been worse..... You could have run out beer!
04-16-2010 12:21 PM
nater344 Oil change instructions for Women :

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $25.00 < B R>
Coffee $1.00

Total $26..00


Oil Change instructions for Men :

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack sta nds under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot o il: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Thr ow kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
& nbsp; oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money sp ent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00

Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!
04-16-2010 11:05 AM
pking911 thats one of them alabamer lifts!
04-16-2010 10:15 AM
alstjruby03
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerry Bransford View Post
I can't drink beer while I work on my Jeep, I'd be getting hurt or screw something up if I did.

I had a friend who drank a lot of beer over the years while he worked on his Jeep and he ended up with this.
hey jerry what kind if lift is that.would love to do that to my ruby.i have to quit reading this this forum with my coffee.
04-16-2010 09:48 AM
GrassKicker At least you remembered to screw in your oil drain plug!!! It only takes one beer to get me drunk!! Can't remember if it's the 12th or 13th.
04-15-2010 09:56 PM
akswinehart Ha, chadwick! it was just a "little pond" that turned into a Huge lake
04-15-2010 05:35 PM
Indy HAHAHA ... made my day as well!!

Jerry ... I bet no one can "chadwick" that Jeep!
04-15-2010 04:42 PM
ashworth1025 HILARIOUS.....

Bit of advice though as I have many years of oil changes while drinking beer under my belt. It isnt the open oil pan that is the problem....it it the fact that you are climbed up on the jeep holding your self up with one hand, while holding the beer in the very same hand.....then you are trying to reach for the filter with the other hand.

From now one when you get on top of the jeep...set the beer on the battery, the bumper, or the motor, and you should be fine.

But then again....if you did it that way, you would have only had 2 beers while changing your oil....instead of 12.

I think I will try your way this weekend!
04-15-2010 04:28 PM
mrcarcrazy might start drinking after you get finished next time. works better for me at least.

I have found that drinking while I clean/polish/wax a car makes the process that should take 2-3 hrs, take more like 5...
04-15-2010 02:56 PM
T-BONE N BIXBY I don't think I would post by questioning how beer got in there......It will probably read something like this. "Is Budweiser a good lubricant for the 4.0 crankcase?"
04-15-2010 02:50 PM
KBR97
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerry Bransford View Post
I had a friend who drank a lot of beer over the years while he worked on his Jeep and he ended up with this.
Jerry who makes that body lift..JKS?? Its just what i been lookin for!
04-15-2010 02:50 PM
pokey T-BONE, tomorrow we better not read a post from you wondering how beer got in your crankcase...
04-15-2010 02:48 PM
T-BONE N BIXBY You're correct Atthehop....Between the 9th and 10th....by then though, I had taken off my latex gloves...therefore, still had fairly clean hands in order to hold my junk!

Jerry, that jeep had to be stolen from a local Shriner's Temple out here in Oklahoma. Most Shriner's drive the little mini cars, but in Oklahoma, they would have something like that jeep!!
04-15-2010 02:38 PM
Atthehop I can only assume there were a couple of piss breaks in between beers somewhere.
04-15-2010 02:32 PM
T-BONE N BIXBY Actually, I failed to mention that after draining the old oil and finally getting the new filter on, my oil cap was stuck and would not unscrew. So, I had a beer, then walked over to the tool box, grabbed a flat head screw driver, pryed off the outer shell of the cap, took some channel locks and unscrewed the rest of the cap from the valve cover. Drank a beer. Then poured in the new oil. Didn't spill any of the new oil though!! Celebrated that by drinking another beer!!
04-15-2010 02:31 PM
Jerry Bransford I can't drink beer while I work on my Jeep, I'd be getting hurt or screw something up if I did.

I had a friend who drank a lot of beer over the years while he worked on his Jeep and he ended up with this.
04-15-2010 02:29 PM
04tjrubicon dude that made my * day!
04-15-2010 02:23 PM
gmercer308 Sorry about your luck, But hey, you got to enjoy twelve beers during this fiasco
04-15-2010 02:19 PM
T-BONE N BIXBY
Had a BAD DAY changing my oil today!!!

First off, I couldn't find my oil drain container. (the kind with the lid)
Ran to the store, bought a cheap open top plastic pan.
Got home and let the engine cool. Drank a beer.
Crawled under and drained the pan. Drank a beer.
Popped the hood, slid the filter wrench over the filter (here's where it gets good) The wrench slipped off the filter and out of my hands and under the jeep, right next to the open top container full of oil. I thought to myself..."that would have sucked had it went into that pan...I think I better have a another beer.
Slipped the wrench back over the filter, and it came off again and out of my hands and this time INTO THE OIL PAN!!! Small bit of oil on the garage floor. Drank a beer.
Fished out the wrench, wiped it off and figured 3rd time is the charm. Drank a beer.
Unscrewed the filter, and IT SLIPPED OUT OF MY HAND and directly into the....you guessed it, the cheap, open top oil pan. An extremely large amount of oil on the garage floor now. Drank 2 beers.
Buttoned everything back up, backed out of the garage, and only had about half the floor dry I needed to soak up the mess. Drank another beer.
Scooped up some sand/dirt from around our pool, threw it down on the oil and got it cleaned up the best I could. Drank a beer.
Took my 5qt empty jug of Valvoline Max, positioned it between 2 blocks of wood, placed a funnel in the opening, and poured the used oil back into the jug. Spilled a good portion out in the gravel drive. Drank a beer.
Wiped my hands off, flipped off the jeep, drank another beer, and went inside the house to re-evaluate my performance. (as I drank another beer)
I'm competent enough to change the oil in my jeep without getting a speck of oil on me, but after re-evaluating my performance this time, I think I need to......get a new oil drain pan!!!
Thanks for listening.

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