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-   -   10 Rules for Thanksgiving Dinner at MY House!!! (http://www.wranglerforum.com/f6/10-rules-for-thanksgiving-dinner-at-my-house-13356.html)

02Prove 11-21-2007 11:23 AM

10 Rules for Thanksgiving Dinner at MY House!!!
 
1. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. "Who made the potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the veggies fresh? Is the meat in the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat a damn thing.

2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and walnuts to hold you over until someone makes you a plate.

3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little asses to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are not gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them that they are not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Mike to start telling family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot off in their asses!

4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We do not care that you are thankful that your 18 year old daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of jail. Save that talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit for the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen for approximately 20 minutes thereafter.

5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds! If you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home next year!

6. BRING YOUR OWN DAMN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I will never see it again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.

7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!

8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house. This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call, your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After 24 hours, I will call CPS on your ignorant ass!!

9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.

10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner! You will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Steven and his greedy ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD are now being accepted. ABSOLUTLY NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!

Other than that, Happy Thanksgiving and I will see you when you get here. Travel safely.

tiny terror 11-21-2007 11:34 AM

Did I mention no one is coming to my house this year? No one. Pie and Football. Have fun Prove. :D

02Prove 11-21-2007 11:38 AM

No one's coming to my house either... especially after I sent that email out.

Thanks for the inspiration.

bluvikng 11-21-2007 12:00 PM

O2, I see your spreading the love, again.............:D Hope you have a good T-day!!

02Prove 11-21-2007 12:23 PM

humbug... http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x..._5paperbag.gif

bluvikng 11-21-2007 12:25 PM

:rofl:

tiny terror 11-21-2007 12:57 PM

Hell, I'm not even getting dressed on thanksgiving. I'm going to lay around all day in my jammies, watch football, eat whipped cream out of the can, and sleep.

sgnellett 11-21-2007 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiny terror (Post 160826)
Hell, I'm not even getting dressed on thanksgiving. I'm going to lay around all day in my jammies, watch football, eat whipped cream out of his can, and sleep.

Ewww! At least put it on some pie, but we don't need to hear about any sick food fetish sexual perversions you have planned! :flipoff:

Oh, btw, nice ninja suit! :rofl:

02Prove 11-21-2007 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiny terror (Post 160826)
Hell, I'm not even getting dressed on thanksgiving. I'm going to lay around all day in my jammies, watch football, eat whipped cream out of the can, and sleep.


#]&[%@&#}{%$#@&#$%&%!&%@$&!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!1!

4point 11-21-2007 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiny terror (Post 160826)
Hell, I'm not even getting dressed on thanksgiving.
Means: I'm sleeping in late don't bother me!
I'm going to lay around all day in my jammies, Means: I'm not shaving my legs or cooking your ass dinner!
watch football, Means: sleeping on/off all day!
eat whipped cream out of the can, and sleep.Means getting drunk and passing out!

Added definitions for ya. :D Happy Thanksgiving

02Prove 11-21-2007 05:32 PM

lol...That was awesome.

tiny terror 11-21-2007 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4point (Post 160924)
Added definitions for ya. :D Happy Thanksgiving



I shave my legs every day no matter what. Just FYI. But I ain't cooking dinner.

amy 11-22-2007 02:49 AM

I'm cooking the traditional Thanksgiving dinner but it'll just be Skeeter, our 2 kids and I. None of our family lives close enough to come visit. That way, we'll have plenty of leftovers. Beyond that, we don't have anything special planned for tomorrow (or today, depending on your time zone.)

Happy Thanksgiving. :D

SPDSNYPR 11-22-2007 01:44 PM

Just saw this. Excellent.

shaunmac 10-15-2010 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tiny terror (Post 160826)
Hell, I'm not even getting dressed on thanksgiving. I'm going to lay around all day in my jammies, watch football, eat whipped cream out of the can, and sleep.

Are you married?? Cause I may be in love

firefighter777 10-16-2010 01:58 AM

Quote:

Are you married?? Cause I may be in love
Damn, you beat me to it.

Btw.. this is hilarious. Thank god I have a small family.

aelwero 10-16-2010 02:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaunmac (Post 822291)
Are you married?? Cause I may be in love

The real question is "was she married 3 years ago when she posted it?" :rolleyes:

RatherBNarizona 10-16-2010 02:51 AM

wow. Old thread.

And yes shaunmac, she is married. I'm not going to ruin the secret.... God I love new members :D

GREEN-MACHINE 10-16-2010 07:18 AM

number 11. dinner is at _______ be on time and sit where your place card is. don't be moving them around.

Ageless Stranger 10-16-2010 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aelwero (Post 822456)
The real question is "was she married 3 years ago when she posted it?" :rolleyes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by RatherBNmexico (Post 822464)
wow. Old thread.

And yes shaunmac, she is married. I'm not going to ruin the secret.... God I love new members :D

:punk:

Jerry Bransford 10-17-2010 04:02 PM

All I know is that this thread made me hungry. COME ON THANKSGIVING!!! :p

shaunmac 10-18-2010 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aelwero (Post 822456)
The real question is "was she married 3 years ago when she posted it?" :rolleyes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by RatherBNmexico (Post 822464)
wow. Old thread.

And yes shaunmac, she is married. I'm not going to ruin the secret.... God I love new members :D

My apologies for offending the seasoned veterans of the wrangler forum. I was unaware of a statute of limitations on making jokes on forums. I have been calibrated. :flipoff:

firehawk_1989 10-18-2010 10:49 AM

old thread, but well worth the read!

cavediverjc 10-18-2010 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaunmac (Post 825580)
My apologies for offending the seasoned veterans of the wrangler forum. I was unaware of a statute of limitations on making jokes on forums. I have been calibrated. :flipoff:

Live in the now, man. Live in the now........ :D

Let the past die a respected death. Live in the now.....

sparky 10-18-2010 12:50 PM

Well Thanksgiving isn't Christmas, but holiday eating rules still apply;

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!"


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