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Dare2BSquare 01-09-2009 10:12 AM

The Severely Politically Incorrect Thread

Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui."

Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement. Formerly known as NORMAL!

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.

Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.

This falls under the "Dealing with It" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little wuss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

A Restrosexual Man is Normal.

There. I feel much better now! (Belch)

Can I get an "AMEN"?

02Prove 01-09-2009 10:18 AM

I feel testosterone raging through my veins just reading that.

afrats 01-09-2009 10:29 AM


cavediverjc 01-09-2009 10:41 AM

Good stuff!! I see that discrimination against 2LTs is across the board. Love it.


Dare2BSquare 01-09-2009 12:43 PM

So, let's take this thread to the next level.

Officially making it a Top Ten of Manly Things thread.

To start off simply list the top ten manly vehicles of all time. Whoever posts number one, names the next top ten manly list.

10) John Deere Tractors

Unlimited 01-09-2009 12:52 PM

9) Bass boats

Dare2BSquare 01-09-2009 01:03 PM

8) Love em, or hate em, Monster Trucks are manly.

4point 01-09-2009 01:14 PM

7. Toyota Prius :rofl:

Dare2BSquare 01-09-2009 01:16 PM


Originally Posted by 4point (Post 305432)
7. Flat Toyota Prius (with tire track stripes) :rofl:


Barrie 01-09-2009 01:17 PM


Originally Posted by 4point (Post 305432)
7. Toyota Prius :rofl:

Now that's just plain wrong! Of course it would give the Monster truck something to run over. :D

4point 01-09-2009 01:20 PM


Originally Posted by Dare2BSquare (Post 305433)

You forgot "Powder Blue" :D

Dare2BSquare 01-09-2009 01:22 PM

7 B.) Chariot.

Coyote_94YJ 01-09-2009 01:23 PM

The prius doesn't count. :D

6)Any tractor truck built by Kenworth, Freightliner, Mack, or Peterbilt.

Barrie 01-09-2009 01:27 PM

#5) D9 Cat Dozer. :)

Coyote_94YJ 01-09-2009 01:29 PM

I like the D10 better. :D

cavediverjc 01-09-2009 01:30 PM

AC-130 Spooky/Spectre........raining death for all who oppose!!!

4point 01-09-2009 01:31 PM


Originally Posted by coyote_94yj (Post 305446)

Very manly!!! :punk:

Barrie 01-09-2009 01:32 PM


Originally Posted by cavediverjc (Post 305448)
ac-130 spooky........raining death for all who oppose!!!


Coyote_94YJ 01-09-2009 01:42 PM

3) The Cat 797B Dump Truck

afrats 01-09-2009 01:52 PM

2) Aren't we forgetting...JEEPS!!!!

4point 01-09-2009 01:56 PM

1. Wrangler TJ's

Most manly footwear:

Unlimited 01-09-2009 02:21 PM

10) Crocks (just ask Jack)

Jack Nicholson and George Bush wear them!

02Prove 01-09-2009 02:33 PM

Lineman Boots


cavediverjc 01-09-2009 02:44 PM

Ripple-soled desert boots with just a splash of haji blood on the right toe....

Dare2BSquare 01-09-2009 02:56 PM

7) Shoes? We don't need no stinkin shoes!!!!!

Coyote_94YJ 01-09-2009 03:20 PM


Originally Posted by cavediverjc (Post 305489)
Ripple-soled desert boots with just a splash of haji blood on the right toe....

That should be #1 on the top ten.

Dare2BSquare 01-09-2009 03:43 PM


Originally Posted by 4point (Post 305467)
Most manly footwear:

Ummmmm, this is not what I expected in a Retrosexual thread. :eek:

4point 01-09-2009 03:49 PM


Originally Posted by Dare2BSquare (Post 305533)
Ummmmm, this is not what I expected in a Retrosexual thread. :eek:

Sorry........... :D

Coyote_94YJ 01-09-2009 04:31 PM

I dunno, I feel a theme coming on.

6) Caterpillar boots.

I like where this is going. :D

Unlimited 01-09-2009 04:44 PM


Originally Posted by Dare2BSquare (Post 305533)
Ummmmm, this is not what I expected in a Retrosexual thread. :eek:

And pray tell, what exactly did you expect?

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