I want to name my jeep, but cant think of any names. Its blacked out. I thought of the Black Pearl and Skellington but thats it. I want the name to go where it says Rubicon on the hood, because mine does not say that.
Before bed, if I crack the seal on my garage door, and go, "Night, Stan." Will Stan hear it? Will Stan do anything other than sit there, grinning his dimwitted steel bumper grin?
Of course not.
Stan's a moron. A vehicular simpleton. Stan is to retarded what peanut butter is to jelly. Stan's a mental midget, if such a designation even applies to a Jeep, which it doesn't, cuz a Jeep is – all said and done – a cinderblock with an engine.
Stan don't know dick, to put it bluntly.
But, what if Stan does know a thing or two? Hmmm...
Why waste precious brain cells naming your Jeep? Already, you gotta remember internet and e-mail and bank account passwords. Throw Stan on top of all that, pile him on, and it's just...too much. A man's head could explode.
And what happens if, down the road, you meet a Swedish dude named Stan? You become best friends. You become confidants. What then, huh? Confusion. That's what. Chaos.
Think about it. All of a sudden you're on the iphone going, "Later Stan!" and the Jeep is like, WTF, later? Does he hate me? Did I do something wrong? Did that two-legged prick just sell me?
Unsure of your love...uncertain of your commitment, Stan begins to doubt himself. And you. When you turn left, he shimmies. On the freeway, he rattles and drifts. Stan is doubtful. Stan makes his feelings known by refusing to cooperate. Stan feels jilted, and lashes out at you the only way he knows how: he drives like a turd.
By this time, it's gone way too far. What are you gonna do, rename him Frank? No. Of course not. Time for the Mossberg, or a flame thrower...at which point, everybody loses.
Best not to get into the whole "name" thing at all, IMO.
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